Sunday, December 27, 2009

Home for the Holidays

Yo! I can't believe it's been over a week since I've written. Not for lack of free food though, that's for sure!

I am currently home at my parents' house in the good old town of North Andover, MA where the women are strong, the men are good-looking, and the children are above average. Oh wait, that's Lake Wobegon! In North Andover we're just all average! The roast beef at Harrison's, however, is waaaay above average.

At any rate, I've been eating free lamb, free brisket, free cheesecake, free regular cake, and lots of free other stuff. It'd getting kind of stressful and waist-expanding. Oh well, that's what New Year's Resolutions are for!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Party time!

Yo! Last night it was my work Xmas party. There were mini sliders and grilled cheeses and of course booze!!! Free booze! I drank a few Harpoon IPAs and a tequila shot. Yippee!

Today, there were cupcakes. I ate 2 of them. Double yippee!

All right, I'm going to bed!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

I just want to eat!

I am about to go to bed and I abstained from Diet Coke all day and it's all I want before I go to sleep! I am having such a craving!!!! Eek! I'll just eat some soy wasabi almonds instead, my new favorite snack!

Know what else is my favorite snack? Free candy from Johnny K's Batman head. Yeah! Today I ate M and Ms and a Storck Chocolate Riesen. Yum!

Monday, December 14, 2009

I Love You Like Crazy Jeff Van Vonderen!


As many of you know I am addicted to reality tv and free food (duh). And perhaps my favorite of all my shows is my beloved Intervention! Tonight was no exception. My boy Jeff Van Vonderen, aka the General, sent sloppy Jen to rehab for alcohol. I hope she gets better, and I hope I meet Jeff. Maybe in my dreams tonight!

Perhaps my family could call him up and he could intervene and tell me how my family loves me like crazy but they feel like they're losing, er, gaining too much of me as I eat too much free food. Today it was a Milky Way and flourless chocolate chip oatmeal cookies. Just what I needed.

Now I need my bed. And visions of the General.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Popcorn tastes better when it is not burnt

My friend came over tonight to watch a movie and she brought popcorn. Light and salty and tasty and FREE. Yippee!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Long Week

It's been a long week. I should go to bed but I really needed to watch a couple of my shows.

I ate a free gumball today. Yippee!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

I See You, Pad See Ew!

Today I stayed late at work, and a colleague shared her pad see ew with me. It was super delish! A Thai for my favorite free food of the day . . . I also ate lots of candy.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Merry Christmas parties!

My sister and her roommate Molly threw a super cool Christmas party last night, and I ate lots of free cookies and crab dip. I stayed the night, and my sister prepared me a turkey burger for dinner, also free. Yeah for sisters.

Now it's bed time.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Pizza Party!

Yo!

Sorry I have been so absent. I've been busy! What can I say???

But I've also been eating. As in a lot. Today work threw a pizza party, and I ate a slice of mushroom and a slice of pepperoni. So so good!

Now, it's bed time.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Electricity makes me ill

Oh wow, what a greta episode of my favorite show ever! Intervention followed a batsh--crazy woman named Linda who was addicted to pain medication and thought that electricity was killing her. She once mad her brother tape a maxi pad to her. Ewwww!

I'm not addicted to pain killers, I'm just addicted to free food! Today it was a mini box of Nerds and a Hershey bar. Pretty mild!

All right, I am off to bed now. Love you like crazy!

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Thanksgiving: A Restrospective

Hello all!

Well, what a long weekend it has been! While I am super depressed about returning to work tomorrow, I am thankful for all the free food I ate!

Let's start with Thursday. My sister Katie and her roommate Molly hosted Thanksgiving in their beautiful apartment in Hoboken. Molly and her friends work in the restaurant industry so the food was AMAZING. I ate lots of cool apps and delish turkey and gravy and pies and cookies. Yippee!

Then on Friday my sister and I met our uncles for dinner in Murray Hill. They treated us to a lovely meal at some Italian restaurant. I ate butternut squash soup and a chicken dish. So good!

Saturday I went to my friend Paul's birthday party in Brooklyn. While I didn't eat any free food, I drank lots of free booze!

Today I did my laundry. And cleaned my apartment. Sadly, no free food. Oops!

Love to you all!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Let's go ride a wave of mutilation

Hey all!

Well, I ate a couple free pieces of candy today but the more exciting part is my girl Stephanie took me to the Pixies concert at Hammerstein Ballroom tonight. I scored a free ticket!!! Woohoo!

Monday, November 23, 2009

Giggles and Beers

I performed standup in a super kick ass show tonight, and someone bought me 2 Stellas. Yippee!

That's all I got!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Children's lit and Drinky Drinks

Hey all!

Your girl Liz may be 24(plus a few), but she's still a party girl at heart! Just like a 23 year old!

Case in point--Last night I met my new friend Jessica out at Crescent & Vine in Astoria. I picked Jessica up at the laundromat a couple weeks ago. Why don't I have luck picking up MEN in the laundromat??? Oh well, Jess will do for now.

Jess brought her friend Valerie and then my two other friends--met through mutual friends--Meghan and Sandy joined us. I drank 3 Chimays and one other kind of beer, and dined on complimentary olives. Woohoo! Free snacks at the bar!

After a couple hours there we ventured to Sparrow's across from the Bohemian Beer Garden. We met a few guys. I think I asked one of them to buy me a drink! What a desperate 24 year old I am! He obliged, and I didn't even finish it.

At 3 we went home. I listened to music till 5 just because. I woke up way too early and finally mustered the strength to go to Chinatown for my children lit book club. We discussed A Wrinkle in Time, but I found the Rice Krispies treats, Sees chocolates, and even the healthy hummus far more exciting!

Now it's time to catch up on the DVR. What a life I lead!

Friday, November 20, 2009

Pizza

I am really clever on a Friday night after watching a lot of tv. You would think I'd be all inspired but instead I am flatlined. Hence the witty title to this post.

So, you guessed it, today I ate a free piece of pizza. It was leftover from a meeting and it was delicious. Woohoo!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Free Tequila Shot

It doesn't get much better than that people. My dear friend and fellow comic Selena Coppock hosted a gathering of funny females tonight at the Luca Lounge, and she bought us all a round of shots. Thanks lady!

Got to go to bed now. Woohoo!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

You make your own (pot) luck!

Hey all!

I am so excited because tomorrow the 6th floor of my office is throwing a potluck all day! I baked chocolate chip cookies, and I am so excited to see what other people are cooking! All I know is it will be a lot of free food!

Today I ate lots of free candy. Whoppers, Reese's, and M & Ms. Wow!

Now it's bedtime!

Monday, November 16, 2009

Separated at Birth: Sam Merlotte and Balloon Dad

Every since Falcon the Balloon Boy was unleashed upon us, I have thought that Papa Richard Heene looked just like somebody but I couldn't place it. Then today I was on imdb and realized that he's Sam Merlotte! He only wishes he was a shape shifter!

So besides recognizing who stars look like, I spent quite a good part of my day eating. Yippee! I met my friend for dinner at Brooklyn Diner. In midtown, of course. We ordered pigs in a blanket, Chinese chicken salad, and mac and cheese. Be aware that these entrees were about $20 each so this is not your grandmother's diner. I also drank 2 glasses of pinot grigio and I was soooooo happy when my friend paid for dinner. Which made it free!

Now I need to go to bed!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Adventures of Being Awesome

It's very tough beging a girl in the city who likes to read free books from the library and eat free food from anywhere. My schedule is busier than Hillary Clinton's, I bet. But, I always find time to write for my people.

Weekends are usually tough for my free food adventures but this weekend was successful. Yesterday a nice Jewish boy bought be a Guinness at a bar on the Upper East Side. Then today my running group had a pizza party so I ate pizza, a piece of a sub sandwich, a black and white cookie, a cream cheese brownie, some M & Ms, and Diet Coke.

I also remembered 2 more foods from my top 10 at Club Med.

7) Beef Wellington
8) chocolate bread

Hopefully I can remember the final 2!

All right, bed time!

Friday, November 13, 2009

Happy Friday the 13th!


Hello all! My legions of fans, I know you have missed me so so so much! I am back, though this will be short since I am sleepy.

At any rate, my absence was due to my recent trip to Club Med in Turks and Caicos. The trip was all inclusive, so while I technically paid for my food, it was an all you can eat buffet so it felt free! My 10 favorite foods there, in no particular order:

1) egg and cheese English Muffin sandwich
2) cheeseburger
3) Ice cream!
4) that egg salad we had, that was an actual salad with a poached egg
5) gnocchi

Shoot, I can't remember my other 5. Where is Lori when I need her??? We might have added the fries to the list. Oh, I think I just remembered 6.

6) crepes

At any rate, I am sure Lori will remind me what I ate!

Getting back to work was tough. I miss the all you can drink Mojitos and Bahama Mamas and Thai Punch. Thankfully, there is still a stash of free candy in my office. Over the past couple days I have ate Reese's peanut butter cups, Hershey Bars, and York Peppermint Patties.

Now I must go to bed!

Monday, November 2, 2009

Candy rules!

Candy is awesome, especially when it is free! So I ate a pack of Whoppers, Junior Mints, and several other fun-sized gems today.

Now it is bed time!

Sunday, November 1, 2009

I Love New York!

While this time of year is painful for me as a Red Sox fan because the Yankees are playing in the World Series, I am still grateful to be living in the greatest city in the world! And that's because today was the New York City Marathon! I d idn't run it, but 40000 other people did! It was so completely inspiring and I am so proud of every single person who ran! Bravo!

I cheered on my training group at 96th and First Ave--mile 18. A bunch of us hung out there to distribute refreshments. I managed to sneak some M and Ms for myself. Yeah for free food!

Go runners!

Saturday, October 31, 2009

I'm backkkkk!

Hey all! I know you have all missed me so very much. I've just been very busy being important. I ran a marathon, visited my parents, ate lots of free food, you know the drill. And tonight is Halloween so there's that!

So . . . how has my free food progress been? Excellent! Today a lot of the local stores were giving out candy to kids. I snuck a few pieces. And now I'm off to a party. It's tough being so popular!

I will write more soon. Love you all!

Liz!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

3 more days till I can drink booze!

Hey all,

Sorry I've been lame! I've been really busy being important and training for my marathon which is this weekend. Yippee! I am so excited because I will be able to drink booze again. Double yippee!

Despite my abstinence from the hooch juice, I have been eating a bunch of free candy from Johnny K's Batman head. Today it was a Hershey's bar, M & Ms, and probably something else!

And now it's bed time!

Love,
Liz!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Whoppers: a good burger and candy

It must be really confusing being called a Whopper. Are you a royal cheap burger, or are you a malted milk ball?

Well, the Whopper I ate today was the latter. And FREE!

Now it's bed time.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Case of the Mondays

6 days till the marathon . . which means I can drink booze again! Yippee!

Till then, I'll satisfy myself with free candy. Today it was a Nestle Crunch and M & Ms. Woohoo!

Friday, October 16, 2009

Lions and tigers and cupcakes, oh my!

It was a fruitful Friday for free food at work. We're talking pizza, salad, cupcakes, and even champagne! I ate everything except for the champagne, because I'm not drinking till my marathon which is 9 days away, yippee!

All right, going to bed!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Happy 1st Birthday Blog!


Hello all!

I am so pleased to tell you that my brilliant blog freefoodforme.blogspot.com has turned one year old today! Woohoo! And how did I celebrate?



With balloons! Not!

Actually--I celebrated with one free cookies and cream mini Hershey bar.

But, today was the most monumental day in history because of the Balloon Boy. Yes, little Falcon captured the heart of the American public, hell of the worldwide public, when we all thought he was floating in a hot air balloon his batshit crazy Dad made. Well, turns out he was hiding all along and looks like it was a hoax. WHICH I CALLED!

Now, I must go to bed. Can't wait for the 2nd birthday!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Love at first bite

Not much to say, except I love candy and that's my downfall. I would marry it if I could.

Today I ate a mini box of Mike and Ikes and a free piece of Patsy's Pizza. Yum! Now it's bedtime, which is equally yum!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Liz Simons is a member of PETA . . .

People Eating Tasty Animals, that is!

Every day I thank God for making animals taste so good! Last night I picked out a bunch of recipes I wanted to try, and today I shopped for the necessary ingredients. I needed to buy pork tenderloin, so I went into the new meat shop in my office building (meat shop? I guess I mean butcher's???).

Anyway, I asked the man at the corner for half a pound of pork tenderloin, and he nodded his head towards the really hot guy who is actually cutting the meat. "Yo, we have tenderloin, right?"

The really hot guy replied that yes, they do, have pork tenderloin and he proceeded to cut me a piece.

Naturally, my mind was going in a thousand different directions and I almost said, "I just love meat!" Whcih really is true but I knew I'd slip and probably say "I just love sausage!" and then I'd feel like a bad Catholic and I would never be able to go into the butcher's shop again!

So while my meat was not free, it was an adventure!

I did manage to eat three pieces of free candy. Yeah!

Monday, October 12, 2009

Old Liz returned for a day

Wow, today was a hard day. I ate way too much free candy and then went out to dinner with an old college friend and ate too much Indian food! Nothing diet-y! Eek!

At least I didn't drink any booze. Tomorrow's a new day.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Free Soda!

Yo!

What a beautiful day it was today! I ran, did my laundry, and made fudge. Then I had a comedy show where two people bought me Diet Cokes. Free soda! Yeah!

Only 2 more weeks till I can drink again!

Friday, October 9, 2009

The Power of No!

This is a Liz Simons first.

Today I turned DOWN a free cupcake. I actually grabbed it, brought it back to my desk, and then gave it to my coworker. I ate a cup of frozen grapes instead.

I DID eat a slice of free mushroom pizza though. Sigh.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Why does candy have to taste so good?

I can never understand people who say they don't have a sweet tooth. To me, those people are like those who say they "don't own a tv." Oh, get over yourself! Watch one episode of the Real Housewives of Atlanta and you will be hooked on the boob tube.

See, I have a sweet tooth. And a salty tooth. And a booze tooth. In fact, I have a mouthful of teeth that love pretty much every imaginable food, except for peppers and onions, though even those I can eat in certain kinds of salsa.

I am like the town whore--I'm open to any food possible! Which is great when I'm writing a very well-respected blog about free food. Harder when I'm trying to lose weight for my trip to Turks and Caicos.

Today I ate a free Nutbreaker. So good! I also ate free soy chips that my friend gave me. They were healthy AND free, though not the tastiest.

Oh well!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

I'm so green

Yo!

Today was one of those days where bed seemed awesome all day long. After work, I weighed in at Weight Watchers (down .6 lbs) and then headed towards the subway so I could go to my spinning class on time. Right as I swiped my card, I realized I left my keys at work. Boo!

So I walked back to my office and noticed with relative glee that there was leftover salad. I took a Tupperware and filled it. Free lettuce! Yeah!

I missed my spinning class but worked out on the elliptical instead. I am truly amazing.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

San Dimas High School Football Rules!


I fell in love with Keanu Reeves when I first saw Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure 20 years ago. Since then, I have engaged in many fantasies about him. Several times I have married him, a few times it has just been S-E-X, and then there's the time he chased after me but he couldn't have me because I was in love with Leonardo DiCaprio (this was the Titanic era).

I bring Keanu up because he's part Hawaiian (or he was born in Hawaii or he hula dances--I can't remember the connection but I know there is one), and I would really like to eat some free macadamian nuts right now. They don't even have to be chocolate-covered!

Since it is late and I am ready to go to bed, I don't think I will go out and buy any nuts. I will instead affirm my gratefulness for the 2 free Heath bars I ate today at work. Not my best Weight Watchers day! Oh well!

I'll leave you with this gem.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Headless Body in Topless Bar

Gotcha, didn't I? Because I'm not feeling clever, I lifted one of the all time greatest New York Post headlines. Alas, there were no headless in bodies in topless bars in my life today. What there was, however, was one free mini-Reese's peanut butter cup! Yippee!

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Weekend Review: Pretty, pretty, pretty good


Hey all!

Wow, what a weekend it has been. I woke up at 4am yesterday for a 26 mile run. Nothing like getting on the subway for an early morning trot when other derelicts are returning from the bars. I imagine this is how a Mormon feels.

I returned to my apartment after running for over 5 hours. I was thrilled it started raining because then I would not feel guilty about sitting on my ass and watching tv all day. I caught up on all my shows: The Amazing Race, Intervention, Hoarders, Bored to Death, and Project Runway, just to name a few.

While there was no free food on Saturday, it will still a kick ass day.

Then today, Sunday, came. I took the day off from exercising because my ass still hurt from running and sitting all day on it watching tv. I went to my friend Jessica's in Wash Heights to meet my book club in order to discuss Coraline by Neil Gaiman. That was cool and all, but what really rocked was all the free food! Cookies, hummus, more cookies, strawberries, popcorn, and chips. It was a real banquet.

I got home and finished cleaning my apartment. Ever since I started watching Hoarders I have become a bit anal . . . well, my version of anal, which just means throwing stuff under my bed. KIDDING! I actually do pitch stuff and have become inspired. Then I sat down to watch tonight's episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm which was fantastic. Larry was so spot on about tip coordination.

Now I am going to bed! Big smooches to all!

Friday, October 2, 2009

Running in Empty

Remember the old days, when I'd eat lots of cupcakes, candy, and whatever I could grab? Well, that's how I gained 25 lbs in 2 years. And now we're trying to reverse the curse, which means I'm eating lots of healthy foods!

Get this--I ate free SALAD for the second time this week. Wow. I'm shocked too.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Sausage Fest

Today I ate a free buffalo chicken sandwich at work (yippee) and then afterwards I went to hear a bunch of sportswriters speak at JLA Studio in DUMBO. We're talking a virtual sausage fest--I was one of maybe 10 women out of a hundred guys. And the event was FREE. Kind of a metaphoric free meal if you will.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Sacrifice

Today there were bagels and pastries leftover at work. And I didn't eat them!

I ate 2 mini-Reese's peanut butter cups. And then I went to Weight Watchers where I lost 4.6 lbs this week!

I guess my sacrifice paid off.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Yo!

I can't even think up a witty heading because I am so tired.

I did eat a nice free mini Reese's today. Yippee!

The rest of the food I ate was not free and pretty healthy. Boooooring!

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Run girl run!!!

I am running a marathon in 4 weeks and I have given up booze till then. Which blows in many ways but I'm also making wiser choices in what I eat, woohoo!

Today, for example, I went jogging with my sister's running group in Hoboken. Afterwards, we went to a brunch at the captain's apartment. There were bagels, prosciutto, champagne, and COOKIES! All free and all tasty.

So, I ate half a bagel with a smidgen of cream cheese, fresh mozzarella, a tomato, all capped off with prosciutto. I felt like a Jewish Italian. If only there had been lox!

I abstained from the champagne and only ate half a cookie. I drank about 5 cups of coffee.

Yeah for smart choices!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Truth is stranger than fiction

Yo!

Well this is gonna knock your socks off, or howevs the expression goes . . . .

In my quest for eating healthy, I ate one measly Nestle Crunch and free SALAD! And I filled up an extra Tupperware with it. WTF???

Love,
Me!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

I barely even laid a finger on my Butterfinger!

Day 2 of eating like a bore, and it means that I only ate one piece of free candy today . . . a Butterfinger!


This is no way to live. I better at least get a boyfriend out of this.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Let the (no) fun begin!

Hello my kingdom!

I am going to Turks and Caicos in 6 weeks, which means I must abstain from cupcakes if I want to seduce a Caribbean cabana boy named Rito. I look amazing as is, but I think I knock off a few pounds Weight Watchers-style, I'll have the CONFIDENCE to be the seducer.

Would you like me to seduce you? Is that what you're trying to tell me?

So to this end, my sister Katie, our friend Lori and I are all doing eating boot camp. Which means no frivolous candy. No cupcakes. No buffalo wings.

No fun.

To get in my last hurrah, I ate a free mozzarella stick at Flight 151 with my pals, before ordering a grilled chicken salad as an entree. Trust me, I was as shocked as you are.

This whole "eating healthy" thing will make the free food quest difficult. I have to REALLY want a piece of candy from Johnny K's Batman head before I take one.

Ugh, wish me luck!

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Want to Eat S'more of that?

Today I met my sister Katie and our frind Lori in Hoboken to watch the Patriots. Unfortunately they lost, which was lame. But then we went back to Katie's apartment and she made us S'mores, so it was cool because they were tasty and free!

And Curb Your Enthusiasm began again tonight. Life is good people!

Saturday, September 19, 2009

False Alarm


In my dreams, a firetruck filled with hot firemen of FDNY descends upon my apartment. They pound on my door. I open it up, wearing a flirty yet demure short silk nightgown. "Yes?" I greet them, all flushed and excited.

"Miss, we are just making doing a routine investigation of ----- " (I don't know technical fireman terms so they could be checking anything. "Mind if we come in?"

"Not at all! In fact, I think there is a gas leak in my bedroom! Would you take a look?"

"With pleasure," the youngest and sexiest fireman responds. "Hey Sully and Fitzy, why don't you go back to the truck? I think I got this covered."

Then me and the youngest and sexiest fireman, nicknamed "Smitty" by his cohorts, carries me to my bedroom.

"No gas leak here," Smitty declares. "But you are smokin'."

We make passionate love for hours and hours, and then we get married.

Yes, this is my fantasy of what would happen if the FDNY came to my apartment. The reality, however, was much different when they came to my apartment tonight at 9pm.

That's right, kids. Liz got her wish of having a visit from the FDNY. However, it was not what I had hoped.

In my grand tradition of making a short story very long, let's start at the beginning, which would be last night/this morning. I had gone to the bar the Frying Pan for my dear friend Megan's birthday party. The Frying Pan is literally a boat on the Hudson River, docked at Pier 66. I was really excited for this party because 1) I adore Megan 2) her mon was going to be there and 3) I had given up booze post-Labor Day up until my marathon on October 25. However, I granted myself a dispensation so I could drink on Megan's b-day, since she is moving to Costa Rica to be with her fiance soon!

Well, drink I did. Corona after Corona after Corona. We danced, and drank. I don't think I had a sip of water or a bite of food. Oh, and someone bought me a few beers so it counts as free!

At about 1:30--I think--might have been later, might have been earlier--Meghan K and her friend Sandy and I decided to go another bar somewhere in Union Square. That's always a great idea, to go for round 2 at 2am!

We closed down the bar at 4am, and we all hopped in cab. I went to sleep at 4:30, which was the time I woke up last week because I had to run 23 miles!

So, needless to say today I was hurting. I left my apartment once to get Chinese takeout. I watched multiple episodes of Hoarders. Then I heard my spare carbon monoxide alarm go off for about 7 seconds. It stopped and I didn't think anything of it.

I took a walk because I was feeling all guilty that it was a beautiful day and I was wasting it being all hungover. When I returned to my apartment, I decided to call ConEd about my carbon monoxide scare.

"Do you smell gas?" they asked me.

"We-ell," I began. "Here's the thing--I don't have a sense of smell, so I can't tell."

"What do you mean, you don't have a sense of smell???"

"Put it this way," I explained. "If you fart in front of me, I won't notice."

He giggled. "Do you feel faint or woozy?"

"Well, yes, but that's because I'm hungover."

The ConEd rep paused. "You know, this isn't a matter for ConEd . . . you need to call the fire department. I am going to transfer you to 911."

Oh sh--. As you read before, I absolutely want the FDNY to come to my apartment. But NOT at 9pm on a Saturday night, when I am hungover, lethargic, and dressed in a t-shirt that says "Crowd pleaser." Not when my underwear is all over my couch drying and remnants of my Chinese food are in the sink. I was supposed to be wearing a negligee people!

I threw everything I could in the closet, and the rest under my bed. Then I heard sirens.

Oh no. Oh f---ing no.

Not one but TWO firetrucks pulled up in front of my apartment. I went outside.

"What's the problem here?" Mr. Fireman asked from his truck. He was older than I had hoped.

"Um . . . my carbon monoxide detector went off for 10 seconds and I don't have a sense of smell so I got nervous."

"Carbon monoxide doesn't have a smell, but okay, let's do it."

I led two firemen to my apartment. None are named Sully, Fitzy, or my beloved Smitty. Neither are particularly young or hot. The hunky ones stayed in the truck, which I suppose is a blessing.

The first fireman said to me, "Where's the alarm?"

I handed it to him.

He glanced at a monitor he held in his hand. "Carbon monoxide levels are safe." He studied the alarm. "You need a new battery. That's what caused it to go off."

I wanted to shrink. Rarely am I at a loss for words, and this was one of those times. "That's all?" I squeaked

"Yup, you're safe."

I escorted the two firemen to my door. I couldn't even look them in the eye, let alone inquire them to investigate the gas leak in my bedroom.

"Sorry for wasting your time. I support the FDNY. Thank you for what you do for the city."

Mr. Fireman laughed and waved goodbye.

So there you have it. I finally got several hot firemen to come to my apartment. Be careful what you wish for! You might be too hungover to appreciate it!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Where are the cupcakes???

I really wish this economy would pick up. I need free cupcakes in the office! It's been a very dry week for free food. There have been no leftover sandwiches, salads, brownies, fruit, whatevs. Thank God for my savior Johnny K. I ate a couple Reese's peanut butter cups from his stash today!

Going to bed now!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Sorry that I am tardy for the party!

Yo!

Sorry I have been sort of MIA lately. I am sure all 18 of my readers are devastated! Just been busy with work and comedy and catching up on my reality shows. Check out Hoarders. You'll want to empty out your closet afterwards! And maybe your fridge too, and you can give me all the food!

Today Johnny K restocked his Batman head with Reese's peanut cups and M&Ms. I ate 2 of each, because that's how a Weight Watcher does it!

Now, I am going to bed.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Kanye "Please Go" West!

Again, I am so ashamed that so much of my literary talent is being usurped by Kanye West. Just watched him on Jay Leno. Awkward! Methinks he just doesn't care about white people.

Free food has been tough to find. I ate a couple Werther's from Johnny K's Batman head. That's it. So sorry to disappoint!

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Single ladies, put a fork in it, and eat it!!!

Everyone is in an uproar because Kanye West interrupted Taylor Swift's acceptance speech for some video award because apparently, and I paraphrase, "Beyonce made one of the best videos of all time!" Which makes me laugh in of itself since videos have only been around, oh, 28 years or so. Sledgehammer for the win people!

And that's when I realized while young in many people's eyes, I'm just too goddamn old for MTV! I felt like my grandmother--I didn't recognize anyone in the audience or onstage, except for Pink! And then I thought, am I really supposed to feel bad for Taylor? Because isn't she 19 or 20 or something and already a multimillionaire? Boo f---ing hoo.

Thank God someone of us live in Matureland and watched the season finale of True Blood, which is all about vampires and shapeshifters and hot Australian guys playing Southern manly men.

All this scandal almost made me forget about the most excellent free food I ate today! I went over my friend Andrea's house and she made us sushi! And we also ate 2 bite brownies, which are really like half a bite for me.

Now, I am being commanded by my maker to go to bed.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

The Return of Mousey!

Yo kids, I'm tired because I just got home from book club and last night there was a mouse in my apartment and it kept me up starting at 3am. I had to pee but I was so scared to leave my room. I felt like I should be on an episode of Obsessed! I was letting the mouse control my life!

But at least I ate lots of free food! I stole a cupcake from the 7th floor and Kate fed us a delicious meal at book club. Plus I was home in Mass from Thursday to Tuesday and Mama and Papa Simons kept me well fed! More about that tomorrow!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

It's September!

Which freaks me out, so I ate two free Reese's peanut butter cups . . . and not the mini ones!

Now I need to go to bed!

Monday, August 31, 2009

Munchkins and double chocolate chip cookies in the morning

Today was TOUGH coming back to work after a wonderful weekend at my family's house.

But, it was made awesome because someone brought in Munchkins and Pepperidge Farm double chocolate chip cookies for a Monday morning meeting. LOVE IT!

Also love sleep, which I need to do now!

Sunday, August 30, 2009

It's a Nice day for a White Wedding . . .

Or any kind of wedding for that matter, because usually weddings involve free food and booze! Which is a good thing for a lover of free food like me!

Sorry, I am getting ahead of myself. See, I have not written in a few days because I have been so busy gallivanting all over the Merrimack Valley of Massachusetts. I'm a jet-set traveller, though I travel by Fung Wah bus!

It all started Thursday night when I actually high-classed it and took the AMTRAK from New York to Boston. It made local stops but I still felt like a high roller. My parents were late in picking me up at South Station in Boston because they stopped at the 99 in North Andover. Yeah, I was jealous and pissed too. How dare they? I could have really gone for some Gold Fever Wings! But do you think they were thinking of me?

Nope, they they were thinking of this guy who flew in from Nashville with his lovely girlfriend:

Two beers please!

Yes, my parents' favorite child Andrew was in town and he didn't want to wait for me to go to the 9s. Bastard.

So my parents pick me up and we return to the finest town in all of the Merrimack Valley, North Andover! Even though my whole family is on Weight Watchers, my parents still keep a well-stocked fridge and freezer, so I ate lots of homemade chocolate chip cookies, Weight Watcher latte bars, and hummus.

I went to bed early because the next morning my dad and I ran 18 miles. Woohoo!

That evening, we all attended a super awesome wedding to celebrate the union of Tommy and Karen Nigrelli! The Simons clan has been friends with the Nigrelli clan since Laurie Nigrelli (now Frucce) and I were in kindergarten together 25 years ago. While I love the family for their awesomeness, I also love them because they are Italian and appreciate food and booze as much as I do! So needless to say the wine, chicken piccata, and cake I ate were delish!

The next day I was not as hungover as I thought I would be. Andrew, his girlfriend Kristin, Laurie's husband Jon and I all went to perhaps the greatest restaurant in the history of mankind, Harrison's Roast Beef. My father slipped me a $10 bill so this counts as free.

I could write a whole book on Harrison's, but let me just cut to the chase. Harrison's is a North Andover institution where high school jocks, parents, and Valley expats like myself eat. When I was in high school, I was in the drama club so was I not cool enough to come. Now, I just don't care. You are almost always guaranteed to see at least 3 people you went to high school with (or their parents!) and this time was no different. I ordered a medium sandwich with sauce and (horse)radish as well as a large fries and Diet Pepsi. So so good. There are no words.

Then today I ate a couple of free chocolate chip cookies for breakfast (don't tell my mom!) and then my father drove me to South Station so I could catch the Fung Wah. Woohoo!

Overall, an excellent weekend! So good to see the 'rents, my bro, his gf Kristin, the Nigrelli fam, and many more!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Liz loves cupcakes like crazy

All right I am tired and about to go to bed. But I must tell you about my excellent treat today at work. Someone left 2 boxes of mini cupcakes in the 8th floor kitchen. I ate 3, maybe 4, plus a brownie and a blondie. Woohoo!

Monday, August 24, 2009

Rhode Island: Little State, Big Eats

Hello all my fans.

Sorry to keep you waiting on my latest and greatest post. I've been very busy traveling (by bus) and I've fallen behind. But I assure you, I ate lots of free food.

Let's start at the beginning, shall we?

It began on Thursday. I went over my very funny friend (and comedian) Selena Coppock's apartment to star as an extra in a video short she is producing. And by star I mean I stood with a beer in the background. But, the beer was free and the shoot was about 3 hours long so . . . you do the math because I was too busy drinking free beer!

Then Friday I met my sister and a couple family friends out to dinner at Etats-Unis on the Upper East Side. Etats-Unis is a very nice restaurant, so naturally I have never been there before! I ordered a beet salad, striped bass, and warm chocolate souffle. And white wine! The meal was amazing and what was even cooler is the family friend graciously picked up the tab so it was free!

Saturday my sister and I left via Peter Pan bus for Newport, Rhode Island to go to my aunt's surprise 50th birthday party. Yippee! Parties are always a great place for free food, and this shindig did not dissapoint! There was fresh from the sea lobster rolls, crab salads, healthy salads, beer, and cake! And of course wine! After the party, my mother, my sister and I met my best buds Megan, Meghan, and Katie--as well as a really hot captian named Brian--at Celtica, a bar sort of close to downtown. I only drank one beer which was not free since I bought it but I did get to watch Megan and Meghan sing We Didn't Start the Fire on karaoke.

Sunday was a great culmination for free food. My sister Katie, my dad and I ran for 5 miles in Roger Williams Park, and then afterwards we joined my mother and Nana for a late lunch/early dinner at Cranston, RI's finest restaurant, Twin Oaks. Correction, Twin Oaks is not a restaurant so much as it is an establishment. It was already packed at 3pm, and these are not late afternoon brunch-goers drinking their mimosas. Hells no. These are veal parm and baked stuff shrimp eating, Manhattan down-the-hatchers we're talking about.

Mom ordered a vodka tonic, Dad a Bass Ale, Nana a Dewar's on the rocks. Katie and I ordered Diet Cokes. I ordered prosciutto ravioli which came with a side salad prominently featuring iceberg lettuce. My nana's baked stuff shrimp (off the senior menu) came with a twice baked potato. She only ate like 3 bites of it, and I really hoped she'd offer it to me, but instead she wrapped it up to bring home. I was very jealous.

Papa Simons (aka my dad) picked up the check. I didn't see that one coming! Then we returned to my nana's house where we looked through old photo albums and found several awkward photos of everyone! Then my dad drove Katie and me to the Providence bus station so we could catch the Greyhound back to the city that never sleeps (with me, anyway), New York!

After such a great weekend, it was hard to come back to work. Lucky for Johnny K's Batman head!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Breaking News

Hi, I am reporting from you live from the office. Normally I do not write during the day, but this is so important and monumental.

There are boxes upon boxes of Krispy Kreme donuts in the 8th floor kitchen. As a long-time consumer of KK (12 years!) I am thrilled, even if I have to heat them up myself.

The only issue is I went up a pound at Weight Watchers, so I can only eat one. Bahhhhh!

Monday, August 17, 2009

My brother, the stud; and also why meetings are good

Mondays are always tough, but they especially kick your ass the day after you have run a half marathon in blistering August heat and your legs and butt ache like you've been paddled for hours by a pregnant dominatrix.

At any rate, I was prepared for today to be a literal pain in the ass, but it was actually quite delightful.

Let's first talk about my brother Andrew, aka Sexy Droo, the stud.

Now, back in the day, Droo looked like a young Ben Affleck. At 6'7, he commanded attention. Plus he was in excellent shape, he was well-groomed, and he dressed like the cute New York City college student he was.


Before


Then he moved to Nashville.

Now

Despite the fact that he looks like he's either a) a Vietnam War protester with an affinity for kitties or b) the missing hippie member of the Village People, Sexy Droo actually works at J. Crew in the most upscale mall in all of Tennessee. While off-duty he wears jorts (jean + shorts = jorts) and American flag bandannas and cute t-shirts featuring cuddly creatures, the boy does clean up for work.

So you can imagine my INSANE surprise and JEALOUSY when my brother sent me an e-mail to let me know he was a Craig's List Missed Connection . . . by a dude!!!

Normally I am 100% supportive of Sexy Droo's successes. But my teeth are clenched in envy because I have been trying to be someone, ANYONE'S, missed connection for the past 5 years. When I lived in Boston I used to sit by the fountain outside the Pru, and I'd always wear cute dresses and giggle and just hope that someone would spot me across the way and have to write an anonymous post to a website:

Beautiful Readhead

You are sexier than a fox. I notice you every day and I want you. We can make sweet love, nasty love, hot love.

But did this ever happen? NO!

And then my brother doesn't even try and he has some mysterious man lusting after him as evidenced in the gent's Craig's List post:
Such a handsome man, with those black locks and 6'4" height.
Just thought you should know.

Sexy Droo is straight, but it doesn't mean he thinks the gays are crooked! He's impressed by their excellent taste!

Well, as a middle child it's my duty to be jealous constantly, but luckily I ate some free food that took my mind off things. There was a round table meeting with the general manager of the company. I did not attend, sadly, but I ate leftover salad, pasta, and three cookies. I also grabbed half of a buffalo chicken wrap and half a tuna sammy that I could eat later for dinner as I had a comedy show at 9 and I wouldn't have time to go home to eat first.

So work ended, I went to the gym, returned to the office to eat my sandwiches, then I left for my show at Ochi's Lounge, which is a really cool room in the basement of Comix. There were a ton of comics and soon after I performed they gave away drink tickets because host Matteson Perry, a very comedian, was moving to LA.

I ordered a Brooklyn Lager and tipped the bartender well, because you should.

Now I need to sleep. Busy day tomorrow!

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Run Liz, run!

Sorry I've been such a slacker of late. Two days without me must be very hard. Well, let's move on, shall we?

Today I ran the NYC Half-Marathon in Manhattan. Nothing like a little 13.1 mile trot in hot heat! I left my apartment at 5:15 in the MORNING. It was still really dark which scared me. But what didn't scare me is the 2 cute boys I saw in the subway who were also running the half marathon! We started talking about running. Then one mentioned his wife (yawn) and the other mentioned his wedding in 4 weeks (are we there yet?). While I was disappointed that 2 cute boys were off the market, it was nice to meet nice people in the nabe who might have friends, hehe.

I met my friends Lori and Lindsay, two fabbbbulous sisters, in the corral. Once the race began, those 2 wild and crazy girls pulled ahead of me, as they are faster! Imagine my delight, however, when during mile 2 the hot boys from the subway passed me and said hello Liz!

After the race, Lori, Lindsay, and I met my sister Katie on the Upper East Side for brunch. It doesn't matter what I ate because I paid for it myself. Boo. Lori then drove us to her grandfather's pool club in Long Island. I left my money in her grandpa's house, and I tricked my sister into buying me a Rocket Pop and a pretzel, insisting that I'd pay her back. Not!

After spending all afternoon by the pool, we stopped back at the house to use the bathroom. Lori's very active dad, who had just sadly lost in the semi-finals of the pool club's badminton tournament, offered me Wise Deli potato chips. I took a handful since they were free!

Now I need to go to bed as I have been up since 4am!!!

Love,
Liz!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

I pass on the birthday torch!

A friend at work celebrated her birthday today, and she brought me over a delicious yellow cupcake with green frosting from Eleni's. So good!

Then after work I went to a spinning class because I needed to work off said cupcake. After that, I met my work friend at a bar for celebratory birthday drinks. While I did pay for my glass of pinot noir and bottle of Stella Artois, the bar put out free apps that you better believe I ate!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Let Liz Eat Cake!

The birthday train keeps on running, fueled by cake!

For the third day in a row, I've eaten a piece of the delicious birthday cake my department got me for my birthday. I finally finished it after eating it straight out of the box. Klassy!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

It's the God's Honest truTV

Yo!

I'm telling you the 30s have have been awesome so far! I am breaking new records every day in my quest for free food. Today was no different.

At work I ate another slice of the cake that my coworkers bought for me yesterday. Then afterwards I met a gentleman for dinner (also known as a date! I know, I'm shocked too!)at JJ's Fusion in Astoria. We ordered squid, miso soup, sake, and some kind of sushi roll. Absolutely divine--and free!--as my date picked up the tab.

Afterwards I walked back to my apartment. I stopped in CVS to buy a birthday card. On my way out I noticed a camera crew from truTV. Turns out they were filming promos for the new season of the beloved classic Operation Repo. While I am still mourning the cancellation of my favorite truTV show, Rich & Reckless, hosted by investigative reporter and perennial bad ass Mark Ebner:

So that's how the cookie crumbled, and it was delicious!

I am a fame whore who will do anything to be on tv! So I signed the release and snarked on Operation Repo.

Afterwards the field producer gave me a beautiful truTV hooded sweatshirt. As in free!

So today I scored free cake, free sushi, and free clothes. Woohoo!

Monday, August 10, 2009

The Birthday continues!

Hello peeps!

Wow, this was QUITE a day for free food! First of all, Johnny K was back from vacation so his Batman head was restocked. I celebrated by eating a Storck Chocolate Riesen and a Mr. Goodbar.

At 1pm, Lenny's Catering came in to feed my department for free! See, I had dropped off my business card at their Upper East Side location a couple months ago, and they chose moi to win a free lunch. So today their rep Julie came to feed us. She brought a tray of sandwiches, mozzarella salad, regular salad, a pasta dish, fruit salad, and a tray of desserts. Needless to say I tried some of everything! Then afterwards my boss Torrey brought me out an awesome cake, which declared "Liz is 30!" Amen to that!

So, already the day was a-okay in my book. But it got BETTER. My dear friend and colleague Dan gave me a gift certificate to Itunes. While not food, it is still awesome!

Then at 5pm, my bigwigs at my office brought out a giant cake and champagne not for my birthday but to celebrate a work milestone. I ate a huge piece of cake and drank 3 glasses of champagne. Needless to say, I didn't make it to the gym!

This Monday capped off a fantastic birthday week. While what I really wanted was one night with Terry Bellefleur from True Blood:

I look confused because I want Liz and can't find her. And I went to Iraq.

I instead got this:


and this:


I do need a place to put my toiletries and I should solicit help from Patti Stanger, a third generation matchmaker, so these are probably way more functional presents and I love them very much!

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Happy Birthday to Me!

I entered my dirty 30s today, and needless to say I was hungover, and very happy!

Last night I drank lots of free booze and ate lots of free burgers, cake, etc. Yum!

Thanks for all who came out to celebrate with me. Big kisses!

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Goodbye 20s, Goodbye!

Today is my last day in my 20s. Thanks God. We'll do a retrospective tomorrow. As you can imagine, there was a lot of booze involved.

Today I'm having a cookout, and there should be lots of free food. Yippee!

Friday, August 7, 2009

Good Friday

So this is my last Friday in my 20s and what am I doing? Watching baseball on tv. Alone. At home. Yahoooooo!

I had today off, which meant I slept in, got caught up on True Blood, and ate! But no free food, unfortunately, though I probably had an opportunity after I got a pedicure today because some dude in a wife beater hit on me when I was walking the mean streets of Astoria. He took my number and was flirting heavily. Did my mom pay him off???

All right, got to get back to extra innings. Tomorrow should be more exciting!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

2 more days till the dirty 30s!

Yo!

I went spinning today because I'm out to exit my 20s and I can't maintain my sleek physique without a little maintenance. Thank God Johnny K has been out then, because the Batman head has not been stocked for DAYS. I did grab a Werther's a pack of Nerds buried at the bottom. Woohoo!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Batman Come Home!!!

Okay, Vegas is going to need to wait another day because I am tired. I ate very little free food today as my boy Johnny K is out on VACATION--the nerve!--and as such the Batman head has not been stocked with candy all week. There are about 5 Werther's and 3 Laffy Taffys left. I took the final box of Nerds for breakfast this morning.

Johnny K, come home!!!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

What happens in Vegas stays in the blog!


So I went to Vegas this weekend and ate lots of free food because Mom paid for it all! I have so much to talk about including many martinis, mojitos, cute waiters, and sexy bitches named Barbara and Sheila. But I also need to go to bed so I will write my expose tomorrow.

I did eat 2 slices of yello cake with pink frosting at my girl Sharyn's baby shower today. So delish and sweet just like Sharyn! And the boy I liked from speed dating e-mailed me! Is there a free dinner in my future? Stay tuned!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Just a Little Tardy to the Party!

What's up kids??? I am so excited because the Real Housewives of Atlanta is back! But no DeShawn. I imagine she is too busy planning fundraisers for her foundation. Oh well!

I was a little late in watching it because I ran, ahem, 13 miles after work. I took some free Sweet Tarts and Nerd from Johnny K's Batman head to give me a sugar boost during my run.

Got to run! Hehe.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

I was stood up for a speed date, but I got a free drink out of it!!!

Kidz!

Last night I attended the most pretentious event of all time, Ivy League Speed Dating! While I did not go to an Ivy, my alma mater was on the designated list of additional approved schools. So we Blue Devils were allowed to mingle with the Crimsons and the Big Greens of this world, at least for one night! Woohoo!

I chalked up $38 to attend, but we were promised one free drink! Wow! So wasn't I thrilled when I got there and there were 6 men to 8 women in my age group, and 3 men to 7 women in the older age group. Obviously the organizer didn't major in math at MIT! And to add insult to injury, I was on the high end of the age bracket and all the men were actually boys under the age of 25, except for one (more on him later).

As I am one who makes lemonade out of lemons, I found the best solution--ask for an extra free drink ticket! So I ordered a second glass of pinot grigio!

After the really awesome event where I met only one person who watched True Blood, we chilled out and drank some more! A nice Asian graduate of Cornell gave me his drink ticket, so I ordered yet another free glass of pinot grigio. I continued talking to the one boy who was my age who was totally cute. I snuck him my card which is a big no no in the speed dating world but who cares! Your girl Liz is a risk taker! A rule breaker!

And now I am going to sleep!!!

Friday, July 24, 2009

Woke up in the morning, feeling shy and lonely


I am at a loss for words. I just saw on Facebook that one of my friends met Sav and Spin from the cast of Degrassi: The Next Generation. I am a huge fan which I am not ashamed to admit AT ALL even though I'm about 15 years older than their target audience. Hell, my personal e-mail address, stackofdimes@gmail.com, is a frigging Degrassi reference(One free chocolate to whoever can guess what said reference is!).

So I'm about to fly off the handle in a jealous rage. Good thing we've got the new Liz in place who will just e at fruit and vegetables in such a mood! And what's even more bizarro is I only had ONE piece of free food today, a sour-patch watermelon candy. Yes, hell froze over.

I've got to wake up early tomorrow to go running. Talk to you soon!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Give me the foooooood!

As many of you know one of my favorite shows ever is Intervention on A&E. This show follows around various addicts and then surprises them with an intervention! I laugh, I cry, I eat. Which then makes me all excited because maybe an intervention could be called on me.

Here's how it would go:

Liz, your addiction to free food has affected me in the following ways:

I am broke.
You are mean to me when you have to eat salads that you pay for.
All my chocolate is gone.

Hey at least I don't eat cigarettes like Derek!

At any rate, my addiction is subsiding because I am committed to Weight Watchers. So as a result today I only ate one free Hershey Special Dark from the Batman head!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

The friend who must not be named . . .

So my friend "Dori" got all mad at the alias I chose to give her yesterday. She explained, via text:
Dori??? I would have preferred cory [sic]. Dori sounds like a fat chick.

So cory [sic], my dear beautiful friend. I will do my best to address your concerns.

Today was a meh day for food, but a great day for boy seeing!

Let's get the bad news over with first.

Food: Lately I've been struggling with my Weight Watchers. I gained 2 lbs this week which is not surprising since I drank some, er, several beers on Saturday night, as well as a number of mini-cupcakes and brownies and mac salad on Sunday, and on the other days I ate a lot of other awesome, fattening--but free--food! While delicious, these foods are hanger-ons. They just cling to my hips and thighs and ass. Oh well!

So after gaining my 2 lbs I renewed my vow to Weight Watchers. Less booze and sweets, more fruits and vegetables. BORING.

So today I ate a lot of healthy stuff that I packed for lunch. And then at the end of the day I ate a couple mini-Hershey bars from the Batman head to reward myself. I needed my free food for the day!

After work I was meeting my Harry Potter book club to see Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince at the historic Ziegfeld Theatre in midtown. Before I left work, I changed into my homemade Harry Potter tank top that I wore to the book 7 release party in Soho 2 years ago, pictured below. On the front it says "I love Harry!" and the back reads "Gryffindor rules!"

My friend Mark and I are like the Harry and Ginny of New York, except not really

On my way to the subway a really cute tall boy walked behind me. I thought he might be checking me out, and then I realized I was wearing the aforementioned tank and I had drawn a purple lightning bolt on my forehead. I am the girl who lived!

Overall, the movie was good but a lil boring, as was my big bag of popcorn after 10 handfuls. But, hey, I saw a cute boy!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Liz's Comeback Tour

I recently found out I have disappointed one of my biggest fans (out of all 6 of you). "Dori" said I have not been as brilliant in my brilliant writing lately. Well, sorry "Dori" I've been actually exercising and not eating as much free food!

So today was a busy day at work. But not too busy for mini-Twixes and min-Hershey bars!

"Dori"--my A-game will be back tomorrow.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Sweets for a Sweet Girl

That would be me!

Today was a super busy day at work but I still managed to snag a few free 3 Musketeers! Thanks Johnny K!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Why I Need To Start Internet Dating, part 2

I am a strong, bossy, independent woman. I make my own money, cook my own food, and perform stand-up comedy. I don't need a boyfriend.

EXCEPT when there's a mouse in my apartment, which there just happens to be right now! Mickey apparently is taking residence in my pad and I really want someone other than myself to take care of it. Since I also want a little loving and free meals, a boyfriend seems like the best choice!

Well, for now I am flying solo. Good thing I have my monthly book club to feed me! Today we met in Prospect Park to watch the New York Philharmonic free concert and discuss the book "Olive Kitteridge" by Elizabeth Strout. I ate pita with hummus, cupcakes and cookies, and a delicious noodle dish. I only drank one glass of wine! That's what training for a marathon will do to you.

Till later,

Liz!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Why I Need To Start Internet Dating

I need to start Internet dating because I treated myself to a McDonald's hamburger tonight. Oh boy.

While I paid for that, I also scored some free eats: a Power Bar and some mini Hersheys.

Can't complain, but I wouldn't mind going to a real restaurant soon!

Monday, July 13, 2009

Red Velvet Rules!

Yes, I am witty with the headlines.

Not much to say except one of my awesome interns brought me in a red velvet cupcake from Eleni's today. She knows the way to my heart! Too bad she's not a boy I could date!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Happy Belated 7-11!


7-11 is my favorite holiday in the world. Since 2000, I have been venturing to a 7-11 near me to grab a Slurpee and taquito to celebrate this special date.

When I was living in Boston, this was easy as there there almost as many 7-11s as there are Dunkin Donuts. New York, unfortunately, is a lot tougher. I scouted one out on 30th Ave in Astoria, and visited there after my marathon training run at 10 in the morning!

The young woman working there gave me a small cup to get a FREE Slurpee, and then I bought a much bigger one.

What flavor did I get, you ask?

All of them! See, I am a big fan of the "Suicide Slurpee" where you mix all the flavors together. This time I got Coca-Cola, Dr. Pepper, Cherry, and Crystal Light. SOOOO good! I also ordered 2 buffalo chicken taquitos. Yum!

Be sure to mark your calendars for next 7-11!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

This is how I want to go . . .

A man fell into a vat of chocolate and DIED.

While very sad, I hope he got a taste on his way out of this world. And I pray, PRAY it wasn't bittersweet.

Am I heartless? No. This blows. But remember, I am writing a blog about free food that many, many people read. 9 of you, in fact!

While there was no vat of chocolate for me, work was still awesome today in the quest for free food. To celebrate a big accomplishment in the office, our VIPs ordered us pizza. Woohoo! I ate 4 slices and some salad. Eek!

Then my anonymous donor gave me another biscotti and almond cookie today. Jackpot!

Now I've got to go to bed!

Love,
Liz!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

A biscotti walks into a bar . . .

And Liz eats it!

I bet you were expecting a really clever joke, right? Especially since I am a comedian? Well, you were wrong! I don't joke about food ever!

Especially free food!

Today an anonymous donor gave me an almond biscotti and an almond cookie from an Italian bakery in Brooklyn. Woohoo!

Now I am going to bed!

Monday, July 6, 2009

I'm Thirsty!


So this past weekend I was all posh and celebrated Independence Day in the Hamptons.

But I am a very "high-low" girl, mostly low, so I also spent a significant time drinking Coronas on the beach with my new friends. On the final day, my new Aussie pal Dave buried my new Californian friend Shara in the sand! And then my new engaged friend Kevin fed me beer to whet my thirst. While the beer was not technically free since we all put in money to buy it, I still declare it blog-worthy!

To my compatriots of the house Katie, Shara, Shana, Dave, Julie, Nissa, Kevin, Eric, and Lisa, thanks for an awesome time. You all RULE!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Black Coffee in Bed . . .

. . . is something I would like on a Sunday morning if I had a really cute boyfriend. I'd wake up after a long night of passion, and I'd look next to me, and I'd be all, where is my really cute boyfriend?

"Here I am!" he'd declare, dashing back into the bedroom with a coffee cup twittering on a saucer and a copy of the Sunday New York Post. "I just wanted to bring you black coffee in bed, because I adore you so much and you are so beautiful and I am the luckiest man alive!"

Even though I prefer Equal in my coffee, I'd be completely okay and thrilled that I have a partner who aimed to please. Plus, I love Squeeze.

Alas, there IS no really cute boyfriend. There's not even a really ugly one. And 30 is just 1 month and 8 days away, so we got to go on match.com soon. Eek!

While I may not drink black coffee in bed, I do get it for free at work--we have a Starbucks machine in our office. Today was even more special as an outside vendor brought special gourmet coffee in for us to taste. I drank an iced coffee flavored with a shot of hazelnut. Delish!

Now I've got to go to bed. Your girl Liz is going to the Hamptons this weekend. Maybe she'll drink some black coffee in bed with a stranger! NOT! Hehe, hehe! Happy 4th!!!

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

I'm Melting, I'm Melting!


While wicked witches are evil, it is sort of sad that they have to melt when someone throws water on them.

Know what else is sad? Leftover ice cream cake that is put out after a meeting that is melting. There was only one sliver left and as you can imagine your girl Liz ate it. It was a ghetto score because even I could barely salvage it. We're talking 2 bites.

What a waste!

Monday, June 29, 2009

I Ate My Ass On!


There's a great new show on Oxygen called Dance Your Ass Off. It's about overweight people literally dancing their ass off. Inspiring, positive, hopeful? Check!

However, the jury is still out on what influence the show will have on ME as I almost literally ate my ass ON today. I ate a few pieces of candy from Johnny K's Batman head (big surprise there) and then sampled several of the desserts my mom brought to New York over the weekend, including her worls famous Congo Bars! Yum yum!

And now I must sleep!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Woooooow


Yes, I scored some delish free chocolate gelato, but two legends died today.

I'll write more tomorrow . . . Lots to talk about as a lot of free food was eaten this past week while I was in Nashville.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Whatever it is I think I see becomes something free and edible to me!

I'm exhausted after finally watching the Real Housewives of New York City reunion on the DVR. Can you believe I'm a full month behind on all my shows? How embarrassing!

Luckily, I am not behind on my free food eating, though I have been making wiser choices. Today I only ate 3 pieces of candy, including a chocolate Tootsie pop.

69, dude!

I need to eat more salad.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Braley Cooper is super duper, and so are muffins.


Yo! Today I saw The Hangover with my friend Lori. We both agreed that Bradley Cooper is very hot, but there is something very douchebaggy about him. He's like every Sigma Nu I knew at dear old Duke. I certainly would not kick him out of bed--once we were married, of course, because I'm Catholic and my father reads my blog (or at least he says he does).

The movie was funny and afterwards Lori and I walked around the Upper East Side to grab a bite. We stopped at Lenny's to get coffee and Lori ordered a marble muffin of which I ate half. A FREE half, since my girl paid for it!

All right now I need to go to bed.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Tonight I met my friend Mike for drinks at this super cool new bar in Astoria called 24. No, Kiefer was not there, but the bartender looked and sounded like Dave Foley from Kids in the Hall and NewsRadio, though not as sarcastic!


Mike and I took turn buying rounds. I drank 2 beers and a glass of wine. Mike drank 3 beers and a glass of wine, so I ended up coming up ahead and my wine was essentially free! Yeah!

Friday, June 12, 2009

Free juice!

I'm tired, it's late, and I have to be up early to run tomorrow.

All I got for you is a free juice they were handing out at the gym. Yes, for us lonely hearts who go to the gym on a Friday night!!!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Mini chocolate chip cookies = big time taste!

My boss got a free gift basket of mini cookies. I ate about half the basket. They were a little stale but free, so can't complain!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Return of the Cupcakes!

Oh, hello!

Many of my faithful readers may have noticed a dearth of free cupcakes in my past several posts--in fact, May 13 was the most recent! Can you believe I have been denied my bloody cupcakes for so long?!?!

Well, imagine my surprise when on my way to a meeting I saw a beautiful box of cupcakes from Billy's Bakery. There were 2 and a half left. I took one to save for later, and then ate half of the half. Yum!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

I'm so fruity!

This was a first one for me in my quest for free food: today there was big breakfast meeting with leftover pastries and fruit. Guess what I stuffed in my Tupperware?

The fruit!

Wow, hell froze over.

Monday, June 8, 2009

I'm going (coco)nuts!

Today I managed to spill soy sauce, red wine, and red hots all over my kitchen. Yippee! Thank God it was only Charles Shaw cabernet or I would have been pissed that the wine was spilled on my counter and not in my mouth!

Despite this waste of condiments, liquid, and cake decorations, I had a nice Monday for free food. I ate my usual candy from Johnny K's Batman head, but I also had a free sample of some pineapple-infused coconut water that supposedly is better and more effective than Gatorade--and more natural!--which is cool and all but what was even COOLER was that the guy handing out the samples was cute.

Now I need to sleep!

Love,
Liz!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

100 Grand: What I wish I earned, and what I ate today!

Holla peeps!

This will actually be quick. I ate a 100 Grand and a mini Twix and also a Storck Chocolate Riesen, which ran the most fabulous dubbed over commercial back in the '90s:

Storck Chocolate Riesen please Mrs. Lange!

Ah, those were the days!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Books and Food, my favorite things!

This will be short and sweet. Just like Gary Coleman would be if he were dipped in Fun Dip.

Shall we proceed?

So today I attended the end of the year program for the high school mentoring program in which I participate. We met in the library of the high school.

So many of you 8 readers of mine know I am a huge book worm. For the past 5 years I've read at least a book a week. And as you can imagine, as a person who likes free food, I also like free books so I spend a lot of time at my beloved New York Public Library. I truly believe libraries are our greatest civic institution . . . I call it the "Good Will Hunting Effect" in that, insert soapbox here, you can learn anything you want by going to your local library and taking out books for free. The information is accessible to all, not just Harvard grad students with douchey ponytails:



It's not your fault.


So, I go to this super old school high school library, with World Encyclopedias and books by Murakami and Ishiguro and Naipul and I'm salivating and so impressed with what these public high school students get to read, though I would recommend holding off Murakami till college because he's freaky deaky (who here has read The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle and could actually handle that, er, peeling scene?).

The books were cool, but so was the food we got to eat, in a high school banquet kind of way! I ate Cheez Puffs, rice and beans, chicken, some casserole dish, and cake! All free, all awesome.

Okay, so maybe this wasn't so short. But it was sweet, so kind of like Willis dipped in Fun Dip!

Monday, June 1, 2009

Get on all fours, please!

Today was a real twist on my whole quest for free food. Sure, I grabbed a couple mini-Snickers and mint 3 Musketeers from Johnny K's Batman head, but I also got a free training session at the gym! Yippee!

I met with the trainer at 7pm. The fitness director who set up the appointment had told me I would be meeting with Dan, whom he described as a big "brown-skinned" man. Dan turned out to be black, but I guess the fitness director did not want to appear racist? Whatevs.

I told Dan I wanted to work on my "problem areas" aka my thighs, flexibility, and assorted other body parts. We did a bunch of squats and lunges and other moves.

Then we stretched on the stretching table, which looks like a massage table, except way more comfortable and out in the open! Couple this with the fact that Dan is the only straight man at my gym (I work out in Chelsea, people, so this is not so far-fetched), and that I've been single for a long time, well, you can imagine how it felt when Dan barked "Get on all fours!" so we could stretch my shoulders.

After working out the trapezoidals or whatever technical name the body part was, Dan commanded I lay on my back while he stretched my legs to the ceiling. "You're very flexible," he remarked, which was a surprise to me as I used to get negative scores on the Seat and Reach in Mrs. Parent's 4th grade gym class.

Dan mentioned he had graduated from college just last year, and I told him I was approaching the big 3-0, and he exclaimed, "I would never guess that!" And I got all giddy, and then I realized that I only looked younger because I was wearing a Marshmallow Peeps t-shirt. Or, conversely, maybe he thought I was closer to 40.

I mentioned to Dan that the one P.E. class I took in college was Massage Therapy. "Really?" he asked as I lay prostrate on the table. He steam-rolled my back and legs with one of those white foam tube things. "Did you prefer men or women partners?"

"MEN!" I replied.

When the hour concluded, Dan asked if I wanted to set up more appointments. As you can imagine, a girl whose main goal is to score as much free food as possible probably cannot afford the $80 an hour for a personal trainer. But I lied, and told Dan to call me to maybe set something up in the near future just so I could give him my phone number! I'm a quick thinker!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

I don't have to work tomorrow . . .

Which means it will be hard for me to find free food. I need to develop better foraging skills!

Today was okay. I ate a couple mini-Heath bars. I also stole the one remaining cookie from a cookie platter that was left out in the 8th floor kitchen.

That's all I got.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Boston Baked Beans may lead to farts, so when I'm in Boston I eat what's in my parent's fridge

Yo!

My loyal fans, all 3 of you . . . I dedicate this brilliant comeback column to you! So sorry for the delay, I was back in Boston, er, North Andover for the Memorial Day weekend, and so much time was spent EATING that I haven't had time to eat. I mean write.

Let's begin, shall we?

Friday was the best day because I spent 6 hours on my beloved Fung Wah bus! I made it home alive, so Dad treated me to a beer at Clarke's in South Staion.

Saturday, we went to a family friend's bar mitzvah party. I ate rock candy and drank wine. I also spied on a bunch of 7th graders dancing with each other under a tent. If they got too close, I grabbed the mom to break them up.

Sunday I ran a road race with my mom, dad, and sister Katie in Portsmouth, NH at a BREWERY!
It was 5k and there was free food and BEER after! I ate a wrap from Fresh City, a chicken burrito, cookies, and BEER! Because the portions were small, my fam and I were still starving
so we ate a late lunch at Fat Belly's Grill and Bar in downtown Portsmouth. I ordered wings for the table and a medium rare blue cheese burger for me! And I ate the whole thing!

Monday, we went to a cookout at my Nana's in Rhode Island, though the grill was out of gas so we broiled the burgers in the kitchen. Katie made a great salad and I stole some chocolate chip cookies from the freezer. Then Katie and I took the bus back to New York. We classed it up and took Peter Pan since the Fung Wah does not stop in Providence!

Overall the weekend rocked! Long weekends are fun but let us remember WHY we had Monday off--it was Memorial Day. God bless the brave men and women who gave their lives to defend our country.

Love you all!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Week in Review

Yo!!!!

Your girl Liz has been BUSY. Which in the world of free food means she has been EATING. So let's start.

On Friday I took the always classy Fung-Wah bus back to Boston. I made it home alive, a plus! My father picked me up at South Station, and we drove to beautiful North Andover, home of the Scarlet Knights. Luckily, my mom had stocked the fridge and freezer so plenty of free grub was waiting for her favorite daughter, aka me! I was so excited to seen she had the Weight Watchers ice cream bars called "Candy Bars" because my best bud Lori had recommended them to me. I ate one (3 points!!!) as well as a Weight Watcher lemon cake (1 point). Free and delish!

Saturday I slept in, drank some free coffee, and made a sandwich out of whole wheat pitas and spreadable cheddar cheese. Always klassy, like Kim from Real Housewives of Atlanta!


I'm never tardy to the party!

Afterwards, I went for a 9 mile run through the mean streets of North Andover. I felt awesome and sexy!

That night I performed at my favorite comedy club in the whole world, the Comedy Studio in Cambridge. The show rocked. I was super happy with my set, even happier about the Bud Light my friend Cindie bought me!

Sunday I ate more food at my parents' house, woohoo! After Mass at St. Mike's, I attended the sheep-shearing festival on the Old Common. Oh how I love small towns! And then I took the glorious Fung-Wah back to New York. Again, made it home alive.

I was exhausted at work on Monday, but nothing a chocolate kiss from John K's Batman head couldn't fix! I ran 4 miles after work.

Yesterday was an all-star day in the quest for free food. I left work early to attend a wonderful gala to benefit Project Sunshine at Cipriani 42nd Street . Cipriani is a SERIOUS New York space. We're talking big money here. Now, you might be shocked to know this, but your girl Liz is not a high roller. But, I am a person who cares deeply about the world and I volunteer for Project Sunshine, which is a super awesome nonprofit organization that provides free educational, recreational, and social programs to children facing medical challenges and their families. I had the opportunity to attend their annual fundraising gala event as a volunteer, and when else will I get to go to Cipriani's??? So I went!

Now, overall the evening was a huge success, a lot of money was raised, I worked the silent auction and sold the HELL out of my prizes, but this is a blog about free food, people. So, volunteers were provided free burritos from Chipotle's. Yippee! I hid one in my purse for the next day's lunch. Then 3 hours into the evening another volunteer and I persuaded one of the servers to bring us out some Cipriani fancy rolls! He was the man because he also brought us out a plate of asparagus, zucchini,
and polenta. Yeah for yuppie food!

Then today at work was AWESOME because we had an ice cream social! Blind item: Guess who got 2 scoops when everyone else got one???

All right, I need to SLEEP!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

It's All About Cake

Good thing I'm not Eve, because I would have screwed over all of humankind because I can't resist temptation. Especially when it's free cake!

Today was a big day for cake. Towards the end of the day, one of my spies in the office called me to say there was leftover cake from a colleague's baby shower. Unfortunately, I could not run to the kitchen at that moment because I had to finish a very important task (I am an important person, you see). I was so nervous that there would be no cake by the time I got to the canteen, but luckily there was half left! I cut myself a small slice.

After work, I had my book club in Wash Heights. We read The Sheltering Sky by Paul Bowles, which was liked by three of the ten members, including me! When we finished our discussion, Laura brought out a chocolate cake with strawberries for our hostess Rachel's birthday. It was quite delish, despite the whipped cream frosting which I do not usually like.

Now I'm home, and tired. So I'm going to bed!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Breathe, Bitch, Breathe!

Today after work I ran along the Promenade on the West Side Highway. During my last mile, I ran through a patch of loud high school students. I looked over at them, and one young boy screamed "Breathe, Bitch, Breathe!"

While I like to think I look super cute while I run, I did probably look like I was dying. So, the boy's advice was good.

I ended up running 6 miles total, so I didn't feel bad that I ate a delicious free chocolate cupcake that my pal Shelley gave me during work!

Now I need to go to bed!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Dykes, Beer, and Cupcakes

Your girl Liz is a pro-lesbian drinker of beer who also adores cupcakes!

And today was a brilliant day because I incorporated all tree, and all were free!

Let's start with the cupcakes.

Today my company celebrated its anniversary of being a part of a bigger company. HR ordered a bunch of cupcakes from Baked By Melissa. They were seriously mini, and when I say mini I'm talking the size of a quarter. I ate 10, I think, or it could have been more. I am not proud of this but it's the way the proverbial cookie crumbled.

After work, I performed at the show Dykes on Mics at Ochi's Lounge. I was the token straight person. What a novelty! I promoted the show on Facebook, and imagine my surprise when my dear friend Robert from Duke showed up with his adorbs brother Daniel. I hadn't seen Robert in almost 7 years and it was such an amazing surprise and even BETTER when he bought me 2 Brooklyn Lagers!

Now, I am off to bed!

Monday, May 11, 2009

I Just Ate Too Much Cake

Several weeks ago I went to a party at my sister's pad in Hoboken. She gave me a big hunk of birthday cake for me to bring home. I put it in my freezer.

Flash forward to tonight. After I ate my dinner I decided I needed a sweet! So I took the cake out of the freezer! And I didn't even wait to defrost it before I ate it! And it was huge and I am full!

I guess it's a bit appropriate as I am watching Golden Girls right now. I mean, it was chocolate cake and not cheesecake, but you get the picture.

Thank you for being a friend.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

The Celtics won, but I ate no free food

Yo.

Today was a good day in that I ran a 4 mile road race (9:59 pace, not my best but I was okay with it), performed in a stand-up show with a total of 2 audience members, and the Celtics beat Orlando. Woohoo!

But it was bad in that I ate no free food.

And now your girl Liz has got to sleep!

Saturday, May 9, 2009

This One's for Lori

Yo, I'm tired, I have to wake up at 6am to do a road race, but eh, what's a Saturday night without a little blogging about free food?

Today was a victory in the quest for free food. I went for an early run in Central Park, and afterwards I found a group of peeps handing out SoyJoys. While they are much too healthy for me, they were free, so I ate one!

Fast forward several hours. I went to a belated Cinco De Mayo party at my friend Bridgette's. I drank sangria and a Corona, and I ate a tamale, guac, a cupcakes, and many other goodies!

Now I have got to go to bed!

Friday, May 8, 2009

Friday Night at Home!

What's up my lovely readers???

It's Friday night and I'm at home and about to go to bed! Woohoo! I joined a running group and we meet tomorrow at 7:45 so I figured no partying tonight. Oh well!

But, there was free food eating today! At work I ate a mini-Almon Joy. So so exciting!

All right, sleepy time!

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Cupcakes and Bagels are awesome

Yes, yes, I am getting more witty and literary every day in naming my posts. Just call me Liz Shakespeare.

At any rate, let's begin.

Yesterday I was the team captain for a company-wide initiative to fight hunger in New York City for the not-for-profit City Harvest. I collected donations all day because if anyone knows about the value of food it's me!

My dear co-worker Sharyn gave me a delicious and free cupcake to thank me for my altruistic ways. It was almost too beautiful to eat.

But hell, I ate it anyway.

Then today I noticed a conference room filled with 3 people and a huge basket of bagels. Like they needed all of them. I walked by their room three times to see if they were done yet. Then when I was in a meeting, they put the bagels out. Your girl Liz grabbed an everything with cream cheese. Woohoo!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Why Does It Always Rain on Me?

I thought it was April showers bring May flowers, but your girl Liz has seen something but RAIN the past few days.

But, being the eternal optimist and totally non-cynical person that I am, I look for the good things in life. Take today for example! I hit the jackpot in my quest for free food!

See, we had a huge big corporate brainstorming meeting led by an outside group that lasted 4 hours. One of the group leaders was really hot in that nerdy artistic dark-framed glasses way. If he lived in New York, he would live in Williamsburg and thus render himself unattractive and too ironic for me, but he hailed from Minneapolis so he was just dorky! Unfortunately, he also wore a wedding band so I am going to say next please!

At any rate, while this geek was eye candy to me (did I really just use the term eye candy? Shoot me), what was the real treat was the humongo spread of free food! It was catered by a real catering company and I filled up two plates with the following goodies: a buffalo chicken wrap, penne with cherry tomatoes and mozzarella cheese, raviolis, some barley-apple-raisin concoction, salad, Diet Coke, cookies, and brownies!

After the meeting, they put out the leftover food in the kitchen. I brought my tupperware over and tomorrow for lunch I will eat another buffalo chicken wrap and penne. Life is good!

Monday, May 4, 2009

Free Food and Free Money!

Yo!

In addition to being a person who writes about eating free food, I am also a stand-up comedian. Tonight I stopped by an open mic at Ochi's Lounge in the Meatpacking District to work on my set in preparation for my big gig at the Comedy Studio in Cambridge on May 16.

At the beginning of the show, all the comics have to pay $5 that goes into a kitty. At the end, they pull 2 names out of a hat and split the money between the 2 winners. Well, guess who won $42??? Yours truly!

So today was great because I won money and ate several mini Milky Ways, the "midnight" dark chocolate ones, from Johnny K's Batman head. Woohoo!

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Dine and Dash

Yo!

What a weekend it's been! Started Friday with yoga with my girls Megan and Holly. After we rewarded ourselves with a not free dinner at Lasagna in Chelsea. I ordered Veal Saltinbocca Alla Romana and a Carafe of chianti. Afterwards, Megan I went back to Queens. We drank a bottle of Charles Shaw Shiraz and 2 Heinekens, which were free for me as they belonged to Megan!

On Saturday I met my neighbor Kristen for a drink at a wonderful watering hole in our hood, Crescent & Vine. I ordered a Chimay and Kristen selected a glass of wine. The bill came out to $20, we put down $24.

Or, so I thought.

We're walking home and all of a sudden we hear a man chasing us. Kristen apparently put down a $5 instead of a $10 by accident. Yeah, we dined and dashed. It's like we were TRYING to make it free. But we were caught! And I emphasize, it was an ACCIDENT! I hope I can show my face there again!

Today I hosted my children's lit book club. We read The Amber Spyglass, the third book in the "His Dark Materials" trilogy. Now, I shelled out a pretty penny for wine and snacks, and my guests also brought over food which was free for me, including pork buns, scallion pancakes, egg rolls, popcorn, cookies, and chips. Yeah!

Now I'm going to bed.

Love,
Liz!

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Runts; or, my favorite fruits!

My free food for today was a little ghetto. See, last Friday we had a brainstorming meeting where they fed us pizza and candy. Afterwards, they brought the remaining candy right over by my desk. Everyone ate the M and M's and Sour Patch kids, but the Jujubes and Runts apparently are the red-headed step-children on candy and thus they're still available nearly a week after the meeting! I'll pass on Jujubes, but there is something about a banana-shaped Runt that makes me so happy, and I don't even like real bananas! I'd rather have a snozzbery!



Let's hope tomorrow is a more fruitful day in the hunt for free food. Hehe.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

My coworker got married and all I got was this piece of cake!

Today at work we threw a surprise mini-shower for my colleague Katie who is getting married this weekend. My boss put me in charge of ordering the cake, which was a very smart decision on her part. This same boss suggested I order a strawberry shortcake with whipped cream frosting, but I don't like whipped cream frosting so I ordered a chocolate cake with white frosting from Amy's Bread instead!

The party was a success and everyone loved the cake, especially me! I ate 2 (small) slices, but I took the second slice when no one was looking, hehe.

This made me very excited for my own future wedding cake, pending my meeting a suitable candidate!

All right, bedtime!