Monday, August 17, 2009

My brother, the stud; and also why meetings are good

Mondays are always tough, but they especially kick your ass the day after you have run a half marathon in blistering August heat and your legs and butt ache like you've been paddled for hours by a pregnant dominatrix.

At any rate, I was prepared for today to be a literal pain in the ass, but it was actually quite delightful.

Let's first talk about my brother Andrew, aka Sexy Droo, the stud.

Now, back in the day, Droo looked like a young Ben Affleck. At 6'7, he commanded attention. Plus he was in excellent shape, he was well-groomed, and he dressed like the cute New York City college student he was.


Then he moved to Nashville.


Despite the fact that he looks like he's either a) a Vietnam War protester with an affinity for kitties or b) the missing hippie member of the Village People, Sexy Droo actually works at J. Crew in the most upscale mall in all of Tennessee. While off-duty he wears jorts (jean + shorts = jorts) and American flag bandannas and cute t-shirts featuring cuddly creatures, the boy does clean up for work.

So you can imagine my INSANE surprise and JEALOUSY when my brother sent me an e-mail to let me know he was a Craig's List Missed Connection . . . by a dude!!!

Normally I am 100% supportive of Sexy Droo's successes. But my teeth are clenched in envy because I have been trying to be someone, ANYONE'S, missed connection for the past 5 years. When I lived in Boston I used to sit by the fountain outside the Pru, and I'd always wear cute dresses and giggle and just hope that someone would spot me across the way and have to write an anonymous post to a website:

Beautiful Readhead

You are sexier than a fox. I notice you every day and I want you. We can make sweet love, nasty love, hot love.

But did this ever happen? NO!

And then my brother doesn't even try and he has some mysterious man lusting after him as evidenced in the gent's Craig's List post:
Such a handsome man, with those black locks and 6'4" height.
Just thought you should know.

Sexy Droo is straight, but it doesn't mean he thinks the gays are crooked! He's impressed by their excellent taste!

Well, as a middle child it's my duty to be jealous constantly, but luckily I ate some free food that took my mind off things. There was a round table meeting with the general manager of the company. I did not attend, sadly, but I ate leftover salad, pasta, and three cookies. I also grabbed half of a buffalo chicken wrap and half a tuna sammy that I could eat later for dinner as I had a comedy show at 9 and I wouldn't have time to go home to eat first.

So work ended, I went to the gym, returned to the office to eat my sandwiches, then I left for my show at Ochi's Lounge, which is a really cool room in the basement of Comix. There were a ton of comics and soon after I performed they gave away drink tickets because host Matteson Perry, a very comedian, was moving to LA.

I ordered a Brooklyn Lager and tipped the bartender well, because you should.

Now I need to sleep. Busy day tomorrow!

No comments: