Thursday, February 25, 2010

TGI Thursday!

Not! I really want it to be Friday!

Despite this small misfortune, I did manage to eat a substantial amount of free food. My book club met today and I ate free samosas, hummus, rice, chicken, and cookies. Yeah!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Chicken Sandwich . . .

was my free food for the day.

Now, can someone give me a book deal? This blog is so brilliant!

Monday, February 22, 2010

Fruit tastes great when it is chocolate covered!

Mondays are not easy days. They might even be called depressing! But today was an exception. I walked into my office at 9:30 and there were chocolate covered strawberries and chocolate dipped cookies WAITING for me to eat them! So I did. I never found out who put them out, but thank you.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Weekend Review

I'm not gonna lie, I ate well but it was on my own dime. I'm getting closer and closer to Internet dating! The thing is, I gave up booze for Lent, and I don't want the prospective date to think I'm boring, weird, or super religious. I mean, I am totally FOR premarital sex.

At any rate, I drank a glass of water at my friend Meghan's apartment and er, that's all.

Better luck next weekend!

Friday, February 19, 2010

Free Food Famine

Today was TOUGH. All I ate for free food was a heart-shaped chocolate. The horror!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Pizza makes Liz a Happy Girl!

So it's Lent and I'm not drinking booze. Boohoo. Instead, I ate Ceasar salad and two slices of pizza at work. Free and delicious, just the way I like it! Now bedtime!


Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Ashes to Ashes 2010

Hey all!

Today was Ash Wednesday which signifies the beginning of Lent. I am giving up booze for the second year in a row. The horror, the horror.

In absence of alcool, I will eat more free food. Today I just ate a couple pieces of candy. Eek!

Monday, February 15, 2010

Happy F------ St. Valentine's Day!

Yo! Valentine's Day came and passed and as usual your sweetheart Liz was not on the love bandwagon! Instead, I drank and ate a lot!

Saturday I traveled to the Hoboken New York Sports Club to take part in a Zumbathon to benefit Haiti. While I did pay $15 to dance in a really sexy Brazilian style way, I also scored a free CVS brand granola bar!

Afterwards, my sister Katie and our friends Lori and Ashley went to Katie's apartment. Katie just saw the documentary Food, Inc and now my Republican sister is all about being healthy and aware of what she is eating. She might as well join the Park Slope Food Co-op, that is if she lived in Park Slope!

So Katie made us apple-celery-carrot smoothies with her juicer. Next thing she'll probably buy us crystals and chakras and yoga mats.

We went to dinner and then to a bar in Manhattan. Ashley and Katie each bought me a beer. Lori did not. She better step up soon so I can give her a positive shout out in this highly-regarded blog.

On Sunday, aka St. VD Day, Katie and I ran in a 5k singles event sponsored by Save the Date(ing) (their pun not mine) and JackRabbit Sports. After the run they fed us bagels, lox, fruit, cupcakes, and COCKTAILS! I drank at least 5.

I was still buzzed when I returned to my apartment at 5:30. And still buzzed when I left to meet friends at 9:30. One of my friends bought me a post midnight beer, so that counts towards my free food quota for today.

Now I am going to watch the Olympics. Woohoo!

Also--reposting one of my all time most brilliant essays from my myspace blog. I wrote it in 2007 and even posted it here last year. Enjoy!

Happy F---ing Valentine's Day!
Let's play the Pyramid people!

Can you Feel the Love Tonight. Love is All Around Us. I Can't Help Falling in Love.

Hell, I'll even put in the song Closer (just the line "I want to f--- you like an animal", really).

What do these all have in common?

Songs that make Liz super f---ing depressed on Valentine's Day!!!

Now, I am not a bitter New York City woman. I mean how could I be when I have such a sultry picture as seen on Myspace? Would you believe it if I told you I was on the math team in high school? That I listen to the song "Oh Holy Night" year round? That this past Saturday night I stayed home alone with a bottle of wine and watched President Ford's funeral on the DVR (Why did he have to die?)?

Yes people, as hard as it is to believe, I have my moments of geekdom. Well, more than moments, more like years. And I celebrate my nerdiness. I'm okay with this. After all, this nerdiness won me the spelling bee in 8th grade and as a result I am the proud owner of the biggest trophy out of all two of my siblings.

But being single on Valentine's Day? Goddamn f---ing sucks.

Most of the time it's more fun to be single. You can flirt with cute boys. You can do whatever you want on weekends with whomever you want. No one asks you "When's he going to pop the question?" and/or remark "Oh he got you that cubic zirconium pendant at Zales . . . he must really, um, love you by giving you that cheap piece of sh--."

But on Valentine's Day, being single means you can sit at home eating a Lean Cuisine wearing your new pajama pants with hearts on them that your mom sent you while getting caught up on the 8 hours of television that you've DVRed Sunday through Tuesday. The Apprentice, I Love New York, White Rapper Show, American Idol, and Bad Girls Club. Okay that's only 4 and a half hours. 5 and a half if you count Wednesday's episode of Idol. Sorry for exaggerating.

On Valentine's Day, being single means that you can look forward to all the candy going on sale for 50% off the day after at CVS. And then eating all that candy, thus making you fat, thus sealing your single for life fate.

The cruel, cruel cycle!

So all single people, your friend Liz wishes you a Happy F---ing Valentine's Day. And I mean literally. Why the f--- not?

The rest of you couples, just smell your roses and be done with it! And remember what happened to the most famous lovers of all time, Romeo and Juliet. They died!

Cackle, cackle.

Love always,


Friday, February 12, 2010

Pizza party!

Well, not really. But I did eat two pieces of Patsy's today. One slice mushroom, one slice pepperoni. Apparently it was leftover from a meeting. Woohoo!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Eat Pray Eat

Yo peeps! I'm a big reader but I have not read Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert because the title gets me too excited! I'd just want to eat it!

Today warranted a bit of scavenging. I ate a few free chocolate candies but that was it. No free pizza! Boo!

Now it is bedtime.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Snow Day

Well, not really. As much as I love my adopted city of New York, what with it's low cost of living, clean sidewalks, and considerate ear phone listeners on the subway, I have to say it is full of WIMPS when there is even the threat of snow on the ground. Bloomberg and Co cancelled school a full day in advance. And what did we get today? A sprinkling. I've seen dandruff heavier. Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Massachusetts anymore.

Well, it got heavier as the day went on but it was still a little bit sissy. I did leave work about 40 minutes early. I also snuck a piece of pizza from my friend who ordered it for her department. Woooooo!

I'm going to try and get to be early tonight! That deserves an exclamation point!

Monday, February 8, 2010

Craft Services is My Slice of Heaven

Today I worked on a commercial shoot and there was lots and lots of free food. I ate a bagel with cream cheese and lox, several brownie bites, gum, apple crisp, birthday cake, carrot cake, lasagna, salmon, 3 mini Butterfingers, 3 cups of coffee, and 2 cans of Doet Coke. Oh, I forgot the chips and guac. And the other pasta dish at lunch. And probably a few other things. Granted, this was over 10 hours, but even I am impressed with my score for the day!

Unfortunately, tomorrow is back to normal. Boo!

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Sex, Drugs, and Doppelgangers

Tonight I went to hear the brilliant writers Chuck Klosterman and Malcolm Gladwell speak at a free event in Brooklyn sponsored by Gelf Magazine. My sister bought me a beer. Woohoo!

In addition to learning cool stuff about football and Tiger Woods, I also found my doppelganger in Mr. Klosterman.

Take that, Facebook!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

I Never Stop Eating!

Why is food so good? Why do I have to pay for it? Today I ate a few free chocolates and a pack of Smarties. Not too bad, but I would have preferred a free steak.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Chocolate time!

What an original title for a blog post! Well, your girl is tired so there.

I ate several pieces of free chocolate today. Yum.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Two beers please!

Tonight I performed my brilliant standup at Bar 9 in Hell's Kitchen. As a performer, I was entitled to two free drinks. Imagine my pleasant surprise when the bartender served me a THIRD FREE drink. Woohoo!