Friday, February 4, 2011

Karaoke, Pizza, and Slush

Well, well, well, look who's back. Moi, as they say in French!

Where I have been, you ask? Or maybe you don't ask, what do I know. Well, I've been busy, er, reading, working, doing comedy shows, online dating, and many other things, like taking the subway, sleeping, and eating.

Let's move on, shall we?

Today at work we had a party. I ate a slice of cheese pizza, sang Sweet Caroline on the Wii (as you do on a Friday afternoon at work), and slurped a slush. Woohoo! I wanted a second piece of pizza, but I am a devout Weight Watcher--again--so I waited till the end of the day to eat another slice. I estimated the pie was 9 points plus a slice.

Dinner, like freedom, was not free. I bought a bento box of sushi because your lady Liz deserves a treat on a Friday night, am I right?

Now I'm going to bed.


Monday, January 10, 2011

Hell has frozen over

I passed up free pizza.

See, today there was a meeting. Before I went to the meeting, I ate a salad and Smart Ones at my desk. I then went to the meeting. On my way, I noticed a half full box of Patsy's Pizza. I could have TOTES grabbed a slice and ate it on my way, but I decided to not eat it.

I know, I know, what's next? I pass up a cupcake?

Sunday, January 9, 2011

I'm back!

Wow, it's been a long time. I bet you've missed me. I bet you were worried that I haven't been eating any free food. The horror, the horror.

Well, I HAVE been eating LOTS of free food, and that's why I haven't been writing. While you can't see me, I am in much dire need of using the Shake Weight, know what I mean?

At any rate, obladi, oblada, life goes on, and I signed up for the Vermont City Marathon and the Tough Mudder in May so your girl Liz is going to get in SHAPE.

Know what I will have to sacrifice? Wine. Guess what I drank for free today? Wine! My friend Kevin came over and brought 4 bottles. I drank 2 glasses of Malbec.

I SWORE I wouldn't drink today because, eek, I drank a lot last night! My friend Molly and I attended a party in our building. It was all Filipinos! And they were singing karaoke! Awesome! There was delicious dumplings, savory snacks, and wine. And prosecco. And tequila shots. Needless to say, the night ended with me packed into a cab. When I got home, I danced in front of my mirror to Lady Gaga videos on youtube. Yup, klassy.

So this week I will be hitting the gym. Hard. And going on an Internet date or two. Free booze (oh no!) here I come!

Monday, December 20, 2010

Total Eclipse of the Moon


The moos is busy eclipsing right now, but I can't see it from my doorway and I figure it's a bad idea to wander around the city.

So I am staying put!

I ate a big ass M & M cookie today that someone gave me yesterday.

More tomorrow!


Monday, December 13, 2010

Let's travel back in time

I know it's been FOREVER and you've really, really missed me. My life has been in disarray. I've had many parties to attend and Weight Watchers unveiled a brand new plan so it has been a tumultuous time! But let's review, shall we?

Today: I did a bit of foraging. My coworker Andrea brought in cupcakes. I ate one.

Yesterday, Sunday: I woke up at noon. I watched 5 hours of tv. I discovered that I had no hot water. I knocked on my neighbor's door. She didn't have hot water either, but she DID have homemade brownies (from a mix). I ate one.

Saturday: My sister's roommate Molly took me out to dinner, along with my sister Katie and a couple of Molly's friends. We went to the Tribeca Grill. No Robert sightings, but I did get a sighting--and taste--of really good free food. I ate a jumbo crabcake, braised short ribs, mashed potatoes, spinach, creme brulee, a pear cake, and chocolate cake. Yeah, I was hungry. Judge me. I also drank red wine, champagne, and coffee. Being free made it taste better, for sure.

Friday: This was a night to end nights. First, my dentist had a holiday open house. I was DYING to go because what the heck will a dentist serve at an open house??? Either sugar free mints or conversely salt water taffy that gets stuck in your teeth so you need more cleanings! I decided to stop by for a half hour before I went to my friend Paul's comedy show at UCB. I figured no one would be there, I'd get a snack and a cocktail, and I'd be on my merry way.

Well, how WRONG I was. The dentist open house was packed. And as my dentist is in Chelsea there was a large population of foreign, tall, gay men.

And cocktails and food!

I went to pour myself champagne, and this woman grabbed the bottle from me. "I'll get that for you."

Okay cool! Pour away!

The office was cramped and it was hard to move around, but I did manage to snap a couple pictures of the food selection. Call me Captain Courageous.


So, half healthy!

All right, I am tired. Yawn.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Being Virtually Stood Up is No Fun, especially by a guy with a pasta screen name!

As you know I have started online dating so I could score some free food. I also want to be held and maybe fall in love, but it's mainly all about the food. So I was excited to go on a date with 31 year old Chef Boyardee from Chef Boyardee was adorable and funny, and one of his favorite books was Devil in the White City by Erik Larson, which is also one of my favorite books, even though it is about young women who get murdered in a big city! Chef and I had planned to get together for drinks before Thanksgiving, but those plans fell through so we decided to meet for coffee in Union Square on Saturday afternoon. "Just let me know when and where!" I e-mailed on Wednesday.

Well, Saturday came along and I had not heard from Chef yet. I wasn't sweating it because I had eaten so much free food and drank so much free booze during the week that at this point the coffee would have been extra credit. So I texted him at 11:30 and then shortly after left for my sports conditioning class at the gym. I brought a change of clothes so I could shower and hop on the subway afterwards.

I checked my phone at 1:30 after the class finished. Still no text from Chef Boyardee. F it, I thought. I'll just stay for Zumba!

As I rhumba'ed and cha-cha'ed as only a white girl can (meaning, not gracefully) I pondered what I would order at the not yet determined coffeeshop. Maybe I'll spring for one of those expensive peppermint lattes and a chocolate biscotti. Maybe I'll nibble on a blueberry scone. I salivated.

After zumba . . . still no text. Chef Boyardee was virtually standing me up! I was really counting on a free coffee!

But I am an independent woman, just like Beyonce, so I bought my own coffee at Dunkin Donuts along with those super amazing pancake-covered sausages. Yeah, they are to die for. And then I thought, Liz, you deserve a cupcake! So I bought a strawberry one at a nearby bakery.

I got home, showered, and decided it was over between Chef Boyardee and me. I ate a quick dinner and then went to a party at my friend's apartment where I proceeded to drink free beer and eat delicious potato latkes. L'chaim!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Thanksgiving is over, but I got a lot to be thankful for!

Especially hanging out with my family, drinking beers with high school friends (at least a couple which they bought!), meeting a guy with a funny last name, eating free turkey, and more!

Will write more soon. And I guarantee you it will be brilliant.

But you don't have to take my word for it!