Friday, February 27, 2009

Day 3 of Lent: No booze and no beef!

Woohoo! Despite the extreme sacrifices I am making during Lent, I'm still eating plenty of free food. Just not drinking the hooch.

Started today when I took part in a focus group at work and ate 3 pieces of cheese pizza (they were thin crust and small) and salad. Then I met my sister out for dinner. We ordered eggplant dip, and I drank 2 Diet Cokes and ate a portobello mushroom "burger"--their words, not mine. Katie drank 2 cocktails, but as I am a devout Catholic I abstained to fulfill my promise to God, hehe.

Lest I sound like a holy roller, I will be sinning a LOT after Easter.

Love you all!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Day 2 of Lent: Still no beer!

Hi all,

So it's day 2 of Lent and so far I've kept up my promise of no booze and no ciggies. Yeah! Tomorrow night I will probably take up knitting. I'm getting very excited.

I'm also following Weight Watchers hard core, yeah, so I'm really curbing the candy. Today I only ate a Hershey Kiss and a Nestle heart. It was delicious and free! Tomorrow will be cool because I'm taking part in a focus group with pizza. Woohoo!

Now I need to go to bed.


Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Ashes to Ashes

Ugh, what a day. I woke up super early to go to church to get my ashes. I dressed up all cute in my black pencil skirt, heels, and a blue and white striped button down shirt. Totally worked the sexy librarian look, which is really appropriate on the first day of Lent. Here we are preparing for Christ to rise in a few weeks and I'm all let's go find the Catholic boys! Which is fine, but even I can admit perhaps my priorities are a bit askew. For example, last week I met a guy out whom I actually like, and I dressed really boring in jeans and a cable knit sweater, plus I didn't shave my legs as insurance so I wouldn't hook up with him. Ahhh, planning ahead!

I was all excited to get my ashes, but unfortunately my bangs covered them so no one knew what a pious Catholic I am. Booo. And I didn't leave my office once today because I am so important and busy all the time, so I didn't get to attract any Catholic boys. Also, I'm giving up booze for Lent so I couldn't go to a bar after work. Oh well.

Lest I sound ungrateful, tonight was nice. I got caught up on Bad Girls Club and the Real Housewives. I ate only 2 pieces of free candy from Johnny K's Batman head, a mini York peppermin patty and a lil Dove concoction.

I feel another cold coming on so I am heading to bed. Smooches!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Booze, candy, and ashes: the week of Liz

In about 5 minutes Lent begins. Woohoo! I have decided to give up booze and ciggies for the next 40 days. I did grant myself a dispensation on St. Paddy's Day, at least for the booze.

In preparation for this sacrifice, I did go out drinking with a friend last night who bought me three beers and mozzarella sticks. When I got home I smoked 2 cigarettes.

Today I ate a few pieces of candy from Johnny K's Batman head. I went to my Weight Watchers meeting and was surprised to lose .2 lbs since I haven't worked out in about 2 weeks and I've eaten really badly because there is no wedding in November anymore where I need to be a bridesmaid. So, I've been living it up!

Starting tomorrow, however, I'm being a good girl. I'm waking up early to get my ashes before work. Ash Wednesday MIGHT be my fave holiday because I get to see who all my fellow devout Catholics are! In preparation, I am going to wear a really cute outfit tomorrow so all those Georgetown, BC, and Notre Dame grads will see me and say, wow, that's a girl I can bring home to Mom! I'll have the mark of the Catholic tribe on my forehead!

To that end, I need to go to bed. I was going to head to sleep earlier, but I got caught up watching the Real Housewives of Orange County reunion. Team Gretchen! Team Lynne! Team Jeanna!

Tamra and Vicki--go to Hell!

Wait--I need to be a good Catholic--Tamra and Vicki--please spend some time in Purgatory instead. Maybe then she'll see the errors of your ways.

Love you all!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Slumdog Foodinaire

Okay, I get it. Slumdog was a good movie. Benjamin Button had neato effects. Hollywood is so so so awesome and you do many great things, you all change the world. Yes, I'm watching the Oscars as I write this and honestly cannot take the masturbatory pat on the back that the entertainment industry gives itself once a year. Even my usual favorite part, the dead people montage, was lame because you couldn't read any of their names and no one clapped for my man Charlton Heston. Booo! And Robert DeNiro's love affair with dictator-fan Sean Penn??? Gag me with a spoon and then give me my copy of the New York Post.

Did love the Seth Rogen/James Franco bits, as well as Tina Fey and Steve Martin. Also love all the free food I ate this weekend. It started on a good note on Friday. I met my college friends Sunil and Eva and her hubby Dan out for dinner at a bar in Murray Hill. Fratboy central in front, cool chill restaurant in the back. It was the mullet of bars! We ordered nachos and 2 bottles of wine to share, and for dinner I ate an ahi tuna salad. When the check came, Sunil took it and said it was on him. I completed supported him in his decision.

Afterwards Eva, Dan, and I took a cab to a bar in Tribeca where they had beer and shuffleboard. Wow, I felt like a Golden Girl! I didn't know people under 75 played shuffleboard! A friend of Eva and Dan's worked at the bar and gave us free beer. Yippee! At 2:30 I decided it was time to go home. Since I had spent only about $5 all night, I high rolled it and took a taxi back to Queens.

Saturday I had my children's lit book club at my friend Mark's apartment in Hamilton Heights. I brought some Italian cookies and a bottle of wine, but to my delight there were several more bottles of wine, and cakes and cookies and chips so I ate lots of free food and drank lots of free booze. I didn't feel too bad because I'm giving up booze for Lent (except on St. Paddy's Day) so I'm getting it all in now!

Today my sister took me out for sushi for dinner. No alcohol, but I did drink a Diet Coke!

Now I'm going to bed. Love you all like crazy!

Thursday, February 19, 2009


I'm tired. I'm not hungry. At one point today, however, I was hungry and I ate a free slice of cheese pizza that someone had left out in the 7th floor canteen. Had no idea how long it was out there, but it was delish!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do . . .

. . . with tv shows.

See, with my impending 30th birthday less than 6 months away, I realized I wanted to do something with my life. I'm already 8 lbs less than I was in January, so I need to compensate for those pounds with more comedy shows, writing, perhaps a boyfriend!!! So NOT a priority but a bonus! And I realized, watching The Beast, Rock of Love Bus, Confessions of a Teen Idol, Intervention, Tool Academy, I Love Money, Real Housewives of the OC and NY, Bad Girls Club, 48 Hours Mystery, and the Amazing Race every week really doesn't leave much time to do, say, anything.

So I've decided to cut my losses and move on.

As much as it hurts my heart, I'm breaking up with the following shows: The Beast (so sorry Patrick), Rock of Love Bus, Confessions of a Teen Idol, and maybe Tool Academy. By the time this articulate blog entry goes to press, I will hopefully have had the courage to delete them from my DVR. I am definitely still keeping up a polyamorous affair with Intervention, the Housewives, the Bad Girls, 48 Hours, and Amazing Race. Undecided on I Love Money as I am 3 weeks behind, but I do love The Entertainer and Buckwild.

As you know heartbreak brings heart ache, so I am drowning my sorrows in alcohol (sort of). I plan on giving up booze for Lent (except on St. Paddy's Day) and Ash Wednesday is next week, so I've got to get the hooch juice in now! Last night, my friend Lori supplied me with a Heineken Light Beer. On Friday, my friend Mike brought over a bottle of wine. Tonight, I'm drinking soda, but I did eat some free candy from Johnny K's Batman head. And I met my dear friend Ngon for coffee after work, and he paid. Woohoo!

Please support me in my time of need. Remind me I don't need Bret Michaels.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Happy F------ St. Valentine's Day!

Hey all!

I am home alone, just watched the movie Closer, which actually made me happy to be single on Valentine's Day! See, beautiful people in relationships are miserable too! Woohoo! Let's celebrate!

Good thing my mom sent me a super cute care package with Weight Watchers candy! I ate 2 mint patties and 1 pecan chew. Thanks Mom for the free food!

Below I am pasting a very profound piece I wrote 2 years ago on St. Valentine's Day. Good to see how much has changed in 2 years!

Love you all! Happy eating!

Happy F---ing Valentine's Day!
Let's play the Pyramid people!

Can you Feel the Love Tonight. Love is All Around Us. I Can't Help Falling in Love.

Hell, I'll even put in the song Closer (just the line "I want to f--- you like an animal", really).

What do these all have in common?

Songs that make Liz super f---ing depressed on Valentine's Day!!!

Now, I am not a bitter New York City woman. I mean how could I be when I have such a sultry picture as seen on Myspace? Would you believe it if I told you I was on the math team in high school? That I listen to the song "Oh Holy Night" year round? That this past Saturday night I stayed home alone with a bottle of wine and watched President Ford's funeral on the DVR (Why did he have to die?)?

Yes people, as hard as it is to believe, I have my moments of geekdom. Well, more than moments, more like years. And I celebrate my nerdiness. I'm okay with this. After all, this nerdiness won me the spelling bee in 8th grade and as a result I am the proud owner of the biggest trophy out of all two of my siblings.

But being single on Valentine's Day? Goddamn f---ing sucks.

Most of the time it's more fun to be single. You can flirt with cute boys. You can do whatever you want on weekends with whomever you want. No one asks you "When's he going to pop the question?" and/or remark "Oh he got you that cubic zirconium pendant at Zales . . . he must really, um, love you by giving you that cheap piece of sh--."

But on Valentine's Day, being single means you can sit at home eating a Lean Cuisine wearing your new pajama pants with hearts on them that your mom sent you while getting caught up on the 8 hours of television that you've DVRed Sunday through Tuesday. The Apprentice, I Love New York, White Rapper Show, American Idol, and Bad Girls Club. Okay that's only 4 and a half hours. 5 and a half if you count Wednesday's episode of Idol. Sorry for exaggerating.

On Valentine's Day, being single means that you can look forward to all the candy going on sale for 50% off the day after at CVS. And then eating all that candy, thus making you fat, thus sealing your single for life fate.

The cruel, cruel cycle!

So all single people, your friend Liz wishes you a Happy F---ing Valentine's Day. And I mean literally. Why the f--- not?

The rest of you couples, just smell your roses and be done with it! And remember what happened to the most famous lovers of all time, Romeo and Juliet. They died!

Cackle, cackle.

Love always,


Thursday, February 12, 2009

Breakfast of Champions

I got to work late today, and wasn't I excited when I saw a big fancy platter of pastries and fruit waiting for me. They were left over from a meeting and your girl Liz was THRILLED.

Going to bed now, my cold is acting up.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Go Duke Go!

I graduated from Duke in 2001. Shane Battier was my classmate, but I imagine he makes more money than I do. He probably is not watching the Duke/UNC game tonight on his 15-inch tv, like I am. Bahhhhhhh!

But hey, I'm counting on this blog to take me places and make me a lot of money! Woohoo!

This positive attitude is what led me to make smart choices today. I ate vegetables as my free food, dipped in calorie-free blue cheese dressing. Woohoo again!

All right, I need to read. And watch the game.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Douchebag Central on the N

My beloved Astoria is home to many people. Guidos? Check. Guidopolises--Greek versions of Guidos--we've got 'em. Drunks? Come to my subway stop. We can grab a cup of joe at Dunkin D's and then go to the pawn shop afterwards where perhaps they are having a champagne lunch. See link below for more deets:

My point is, you can find anyone under the sun in Astoria, but truth be told, you don't often find a lot of douchebags. They tend to remain in Manhattan, in enclaves like the Upper East Side or Murray Hill. In rare occasions they settle in Park Slope in Brooklyn. But Queens? They'd rather visit their girlfriend's grandmother in Westchester.

Living in a douchebag-free zone is wonderful. Here is a conversation you will never hear in Astoria: "I can't believe Dick Fuld sold his house to his wife for $100!" No one talks about Madoff, Bear Stearns, or private jets. You never hear anyone say, "You know what I read in the Wall Street Journal today?" No, instead they ask: "Which headline on the A-Rod scandal did you like more? The Post's 'Alex Dropped A-Bomb' or the Daily News' 'Call him A-Roid'?" I go with the Post.

My point is, people's snobbery will keep them away from Queens. Which is fine with me! I love my nabe and its affordable rents and awesome restaurants and dive bars! Until today, when the douchebags got on my train.

Let me explain: After my Weight Watchers meeting (I lost 1.8 lb, woohoo!) I walked up to Herald Square to catch my train. I got on the last car in the N and sat down and pulled out my book. Three youngish guys, probably late 20s, early 30s, were standing at the back of the car. They were wearing suits and looked like they worked in finance. And then they opened their mouths, and I KNEW they worked in finance.

"Yeah, her Facebook picture isn't that hot, her teeth look bad, I just think she takes bad photos. But I'd still her take her down! Her body is smokin'."

My mouth dropped, I put my book away, and grabbed my Moleskin and started taking notes, all Harriet the Spy-style.

"And then this guy did business with my father and he decided to sue my dad for everything he's worth. My father decided it wasn't worth the hassle and ended up settling and giving him $2 million."

At this point the trained pulled up the 59th and Lex, the last stop in Manhattan before the N heads to Queens. Oh good, I thought, the douchebags will get off here and transfer to the 6 so they can take the train uptown to their nice little apartment at 85th and 1st. Right?

Wrong. The douchebags stayed on! They were coming to a foreign land, Queens!!!

"You know, if I saw the guy who settled with my dad now, I'd thrown both my Blackberrys at him."

Douchebag #1 proceeded to talk to his cronies Douchebag #2 and Douchebag #3 about how he cheated on his girlfriend, but only because she's psycho. Luckily, the trio got off at Queensboro Plaza, the first stop in Queens. I was able to enjoy the rest of my journey in peace. I am still clueless as to why they set foot in my borough in the first place. I pray to God that they are just visiting, and that this weekend I won't see them at, say, O'Hanlon's. I'd just have to throw my cheap cell phone at them.

But overall I am not an angry nor bitter person. I am not a xenophobe either! I welcome my yuppie friends to Astoria, just as long as you are not wearing a popped collar! And lest I forget about the mission statement of this blog, I did eat some delicious free food today. It was . . . a cupcake! And I am so NOT going to feel guilty about it or apologize for it. Screw my wannabe intervention and my semi-shame about my love for all things chocolate, I'm proud to eat sweets! Who wants to date a stick thin girl anyway? She probably never eats wings, or drinks beer! She probably beats up everyone to get a choice spot in step class at New York Sports Club! Me, I keep it real!

Love you all. And douchebags--please stay in Manhattan. Thank you.


Monday, February 9, 2009

Give me an Intervention for Free Food!

Even though he never returns my calls or e-mails, I really love my brother Androo. We share an appreciation for the show "Intervention," and we can even act out scenes via text. This is from the Derek episode. He was a Canadian bodybuilder/alcoholic with really gay facial hair:

Derek (via me): I might kill myself. Do you think I'm kidding?
Derek's friend (via Androo): No, I think you're dead serious.
Derek (via me): Give me the boooooooze.

I would show you the clip, but they took it down from Youtube. Booooo!

At any rate, I bring up my passion for Intervention to illustrate my addictive personality when it comes to free food! And how the free food clashes with the Weight Watchers. Today I wasn't feeling 100%, so I ate oatmeal for breakfast and chicken for lunch (not free). However, I did eat 2 Ghirardelli chocolates and a mini-box of Nerds, all free. Whyyyyyyyy?

Not sure what the rest of the week will bring, perhaps a visit from Candy Finnigan (an awesome interventionist from Intervention)? A girl can wish.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

I'm Really Just That Into You, free food!

My love affair with food will never go away. Even when I lose the 25 lbs I plan on losing, I'll still keep it real and eat wings and cupcakes, just less than I've done in the past! And then I'll make a sequel to the movie "He's Just Not That Into You" called "Everyone Is Into Liz (Metaphorically, not literally, she's Catholic!)" and I'll be the most fun date ever!

This weekend was a pretty good weekend for fast food. It started Friday night when I went to see the Black Keys at Terminal 5. A friend of a friend got me a VIP pass so I got to hang out backstage after the gig and drink free Miller High Lifes, the champagne of beers, clip below.

Saturday night I went to a housewarming party for my dear awesome super cool friend from Duke and Boston, Holger. He just moved to New York and we're sooooo excited to have him here. At any rate, I only drank 2 free beers because I drank too many Miller High Lifes the night before, if you know what I mean. But I did eat a delicious samosa and cookie and many other snacky snacks.

Today, Sunday, I saw the aforementioned film "He's Just Not That Into You" with my sister Katie and friends Lori and Nicole on the Upper East Side, how appropriate.Y ou can revoke my feminist card if you'd like because I've got to admit I kind of loved it. Bradley Cooper is one hot douche. I'm happy I'm not married to him! Give me Justin Long!!! Afterwards we went to brunch, and I paid for my own entree so it wasn't free. Boo! But I did eat some food at Holger's party after midnight so that counts towards Sunday's quota. I'm not feeling 100% today so I'm going to pack it in. Many kisses! Liz

Thursday, February 5, 2009

I went to a work party and all I got was this plate of vegetables!

So today we had a mixer at the office because a bunch of new people moved into share our space. Woohoo! Free food! They scheduled the mixer at 2:30, so I knew it wouldn't be lunch. Too expensive in this economy. I figured we'd get cupcakes and/or Krispy Kreme Donuts. Guess what? Your girl Liz was WRONG. The company went all green and bought healthy food from Whole Foods. We're talking vegetable trays. Many, many vegetable trays. And the drinks? All healthy juices and Pelegrino. Yes, Pelegrino. Lest a bite hand that feeds me (hehe) I SHOULD add that there were also plates of cheese and olives and yes, cookies and brownies. Just that the main star of the show was the veggies! I also found a new partner in crime, Bob. Bob works with me and he too is a Weight Watcher. He was really supportive of me and told me not to eat more than the three cookies I took. After the mixer, i brought my tupperware to bring some food home. "No cookies!" Bob declared. "Stick with the celery sticks!" And I did. Overall the party was a success!

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

On Gold and Chocolate

Today I went to K-mart after work to buy a couple 5 lb free weights, and they were holding a raffle for a beautiful gold necklace. I lost, which is so disappointing because it would have made a great addition to the world's greatest blog, I Love Free Food.

While I might not have won the gold, I got the proverbial bronze: some delish chocolate from Johnny K's Batman head! I ate a couple pieces of Valentine's Day sweets . . . well, more than a couple. Probably 6.

Now I am going to bed. The goal is to wake up early and go for a run, but it is supposed to be super cold tomorrow!


Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Skinny Girls Cannot Be Trusted . . .

Now, don't think I'm hating on thin girls. Notice the dot dot dots . . . what I mean is skinny girls cannot be trusted at . . . Weight Watchers meetings!!!

Here's the deal. This super tiny girl in my Weight Watchers meeting made Lifetime today, which means she has reached and maintained her goal weight for 6 weeks. It's a big accomplishment and deserves respect. When I reached Lifetime in 2002 after losing 35 lbs, I cried.

But this skinny little bitch only lost 17 lbs, and she was too thin as it was, so, I don't know, I was ANNOYED. I mean, the chick probably does not suffer from the same cupcake addiction that I do! It's not like she made that many sacrifices during her "lifestyle change" as we like to call it at Weight Watchers. No, she probably now only drinks 2 Cosmos per weekend night as opposed to the previous 3. Trust me--this girl was a Cosmo drinker. Or perhaps margaritas. I highly doubt she ever drank a Guinness.

I myself will hopefully lose more than 17 lbs! However, no matter how much weight I lose, I will always maintain my large behind, which is awesome (thank you to the black co-worker who pointed this out to me almost 3 years ago. Where were you in high school???). So to support my arse, today I ate several pieces of chocolate from Johnny K's stash.

All right, I'm tired, going to bed now. Smooches!

Monday, February 2, 2009

Coming up next on Temptation Island: Cupcakes!

My faithful readers, all 7 of you, know how I feel about cupcakes. I love them and I eat them constantly when they are put out for free after corporate meetings, of which there are many at my office. And that explains the 25 pounds I have gained since I started working at my company 2 years ago. The one good thing about the economy sinking is that companies are tightening the purse strings and holding meetings when cupcakes are not all that desired (like 10:30 am), so I have not been tempted as much. Till today. I ate my healthy lunch of salad and a Lean Cuisine Baked Chicken Florentine (4 points and delish), and then I went to the bathroom and saw THEM. And by THEM I mean these super cute cupcakes with little sugar footballs on them in tribute the the Super Bowl that no one outside of Arizona and Pittsburgh cared about (though Bruce was looking HOT. I hope he doesn't cheat on his wife.). I took one and wrapped it up in a paper towel and brought it into the bathroom with me contemplating what to do with it. Throw it out? Flush it down the toilet? Nahh, in the end I brought it back to my desk and ate it. I credited it as being 5 points, though I'm in denial and it's probably more. I don't feel too bad though: I ran a road race yesterday and today I took a "Total Body Conditioning" class at the gym that totally rocked. All right, must go to bed. Smooches!