Thursday, July 30, 2009

Just a Little Tardy to the Party!

What's up kids??? I am so excited because the Real Housewives of Atlanta is back! But no DeShawn. I imagine she is too busy planning fundraisers for her foundation. Oh well!

I was a little late in watching it because I ran, ahem, 13 miles after work. I took some free Sweet Tarts and Nerd from Johnny K's Batman head to give me a sugar boost during my run.

Got to run! Hehe.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

I was stood up for a speed date, but I got a free drink out of it!!!


Last night I attended the most pretentious event of all time, Ivy League Speed Dating! While I did not go to an Ivy, my alma mater was on the designated list of additional approved schools. So we Blue Devils were allowed to mingle with the Crimsons and the Big Greens of this world, at least for one night! Woohoo!

I chalked up $38 to attend, but we were promised one free drink! Wow! So wasn't I thrilled when I got there and there were 6 men to 8 women in my age group, and 3 men to 7 women in the older age group. Obviously the organizer didn't major in math at MIT! And to add insult to injury, I was on the high end of the age bracket and all the men were actually boys under the age of 25, except for one (more on him later).

As I am one who makes lemonade out of lemons, I found the best solution--ask for an extra free drink ticket! So I ordered a second glass of pinot grigio!

After the really awesome event where I met only one person who watched True Blood, we chilled out and drank some more! A nice Asian graduate of Cornell gave me his drink ticket, so I ordered yet another free glass of pinot grigio. I continued talking to the one boy who was my age who was totally cute. I snuck him my card which is a big no no in the speed dating world but who cares! Your girl Liz is a risk taker! A rule breaker!

And now I am going to sleep!!!

Friday, July 24, 2009

Woke up in the morning, feeling shy and lonely

I am at a loss for words. I just saw on Facebook that one of my friends met Sav and Spin from the cast of Degrassi: The Next Generation. I am a huge fan which I am not ashamed to admit AT ALL even though I'm about 15 years older than their target audience. Hell, my personal e-mail address,, is a frigging Degrassi reference(One free chocolate to whoever can guess what said reference is!).

So I'm about to fly off the handle in a jealous rage. Good thing we've got the new Liz in place who will just e at fruit and vegetables in such a mood! And what's even more bizarro is I only had ONE piece of free food today, a sour-patch watermelon candy. Yes, hell froze over.

I've got to wake up early tomorrow to go running. Talk to you soon!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Give me the foooooood!

As many of you know one of my favorite shows ever is Intervention on A&E. This show follows around various addicts and then surprises them with an intervention! I laugh, I cry, I eat. Which then makes me all excited because maybe an intervention could be called on me.

Here's how it would go:

Liz, your addiction to free food has affected me in the following ways:

I am broke.
You are mean to me when you have to eat salads that you pay for.
All my chocolate is gone.

Hey at least I don't eat cigarettes like Derek!

At any rate, my addiction is subsiding because I am committed to Weight Watchers. So as a result today I only ate one free Hershey Special Dark from the Batman head!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

The friend who must not be named . . .

So my friend "Dori" got all mad at the alias I chose to give her yesterday. She explained, via text:
Dori??? I would have preferred cory [sic]. Dori sounds like a fat chick.

So cory [sic], my dear beautiful friend. I will do my best to address your concerns.

Today was a meh day for food, but a great day for boy seeing!

Let's get the bad news over with first.

Food: Lately I've been struggling with my Weight Watchers. I gained 2 lbs this week which is not surprising since I drank some, er, several beers on Saturday night, as well as a number of mini-cupcakes and brownies and mac salad on Sunday, and on the other days I ate a lot of other awesome, fattening--but free--food! While delicious, these foods are hanger-ons. They just cling to my hips and thighs and ass. Oh well!

So after gaining my 2 lbs I renewed my vow to Weight Watchers. Less booze and sweets, more fruits and vegetables. BORING.

So today I ate a lot of healthy stuff that I packed for lunch. And then at the end of the day I ate a couple mini-Hershey bars from the Batman head to reward myself. I needed my free food for the day!

After work I was meeting my Harry Potter book club to see Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince at the historic Ziegfeld Theatre in midtown. Before I left work, I changed into my homemade Harry Potter tank top that I wore to the book 7 release party in Soho 2 years ago, pictured below. On the front it says "I love Harry!" and the back reads "Gryffindor rules!"

My friend Mark and I are like the Harry and Ginny of New York, except not really

On my way to the subway a really cute tall boy walked behind me. I thought he might be checking me out, and then I realized I was wearing the aforementioned tank and I had drawn a purple lightning bolt on my forehead. I am the girl who lived!

Overall, the movie was good but a lil boring, as was my big bag of popcorn after 10 handfuls. But, hey, I saw a cute boy!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Liz's Comeback Tour

I recently found out I have disappointed one of my biggest fans (out of all 6 of you). "Dori" said I have not been as brilliant in my brilliant writing lately. Well, sorry "Dori" I've been actually exercising and not eating as much free food!

So today was a busy day at work. But not too busy for mini-Twixes and min-Hershey bars!

"Dori"--my A-game will be back tomorrow.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Sweets for a Sweet Girl

That would be me!

Today was a super busy day at work but I still managed to snag a few free 3 Musketeers! Thanks Johnny K!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Why I Need To Start Internet Dating, part 2

I am a strong, bossy, independent woman. I make my own money, cook my own food, and perform stand-up comedy. I don't need a boyfriend.

EXCEPT when there's a mouse in my apartment, which there just happens to be right now! Mickey apparently is taking residence in my pad and I really want someone other than myself to take care of it. Since I also want a little loving and free meals, a boyfriend seems like the best choice!

Well, for now I am flying solo. Good thing I have my monthly book club to feed me! Today we met in Prospect Park to watch the New York Philharmonic free concert and discuss the book "Olive Kitteridge" by Elizabeth Strout. I ate pita with hummus, cupcakes and cookies, and a delicious noodle dish. I only drank one glass of wine! That's what training for a marathon will do to you.

Till later,


Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Why I Need To Start Internet Dating

I need to start Internet dating because I treated myself to a McDonald's hamburger tonight. Oh boy.

While I paid for that, I also scored some free eats: a Power Bar and some mini Hersheys.

Can't complain, but I wouldn't mind going to a real restaurant soon!

Monday, July 13, 2009

Red Velvet Rules!

Yes, I am witty with the headlines.

Not much to say except one of my awesome interns brought me in a red velvet cupcake from Eleni's today. She knows the way to my heart! Too bad she's not a boy I could date!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Happy Belated 7-11!

7-11 is my favorite holiday in the world. Since 2000, I have been venturing to a 7-11 near me to grab a Slurpee and taquito to celebrate this special date.

When I was living in Boston, this was easy as there there almost as many 7-11s as there are Dunkin Donuts. New York, unfortunately, is a lot tougher. I scouted one out on 30th Ave in Astoria, and visited there after my marathon training run at 10 in the morning!

The young woman working there gave me a small cup to get a FREE Slurpee, and then I bought a much bigger one.

What flavor did I get, you ask?

All of them! See, I am a big fan of the "Suicide Slurpee" where you mix all the flavors together. This time I got Coca-Cola, Dr. Pepper, Cherry, and Crystal Light. SOOOO good! I also ordered 2 buffalo chicken taquitos. Yum!

Be sure to mark your calendars for next 7-11!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

This is how I want to go . . .

A man fell into a vat of chocolate and DIED.

While very sad, I hope he got a taste on his way out of this world. And I pray, PRAY it wasn't bittersweet.

Am I heartless? No. This blows. But remember, I am writing a blog about free food that many, many people read. 9 of you, in fact!

While there was no vat of chocolate for me, work was still awesome today in the quest for free food. To celebrate a big accomplishment in the office, our VIPs ordered us pizza. Woohoo! I ate 4 slices and some salad. Eek!

Then my anonymous donor gave me another biscotti and almond cookie today. Jackpot!

Now I've got to go to bed!


Tuesday, July 7, 2009

A biscotti walks into a bar . . .

And Liz eats it!

I bet you were expecting a really clever joke, right? Especially since I am a comedian? Well, you were wrong! I don't joke about food ever!

Especially free food!

Today an anonymous donor gave me an almond biscotti and an almond cookie from an Italian bakery in Brooklyn. Woohoo!

Now I am going to bed!

Monday, July 6, 2009

I'm Thirsty!

So this past weekend I was all posh and celebrated Independence Day in the Hamptons.

But I am a very "high-low" girl, mostly low, so I also spent a significant time drinking Coronas on the beach with my new friends. On the final day, my new Aussie pal Dave buried my new Californian friend Shara in the sand! And then my new engaged friend Kevin fed me beer to whet my thirst. While the beer was not technically free since we all put in money to buy it, I still declare it blog-worthy!

To my compatriots of the house Katie, Shara, Shana, Dave, Julie, Nissa, Kevin, Eric, and Lisa, thanks for an awesome time. You all RULE!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Black Coffee in Bed . . .

. . . is something I would like on a Sunday morning if I had a really cute boyfriend. I'd wake up after a long night of passion, and I'd look next to me, and I'd be all, where is my really cute boyfriend?

"Here I am!" he'd declare, dashing back into the bedroom with a coffee cup twittering on a saucer and a copy of the Sunday New York Post. "I just wanted to bring you black coffee in bed, because I adore you so much and you are so beautiful and I am the luckiest man alive!"

Even though I prefer Equal in my coffee, I'd be completely okay and thrilled that I have a partner who aimed to please. Plus, I love Squeeze.

Alas, there IS no really cute boyfriend. There's not even a really ugly one. And 30 is just 1 month and 8 days away, so we got to go on soon. Eek!

While I may not drink black coffee in bed, I do get it for free at work--we have a Starbucks machine in our office. Today was even more special as an outside vendor brought special gourmet coffee in for us to taste. I drank an iced coffee flavored with a shot of hazelnut. Delish!

Now I've got to go to bed. Your girl Liz is going to the Hamptons this weekend. Maybe she'll drink some black coffee in bed with a stranger! NOT! Hehe, hehe! Happy 4th!!!