Sunday, November 30, 2008

Lazy Liz is back!

I know what you're thinking. Liz is a slacker. Liz is all, I am going to write EVERY DAY about free food. And wait . . . there has not been a post since Thursday? Now that Thanksgiving has passed, it Liz all about being selfish?

Um, no. I've just been being a really social butterfly. But I am back and ready to go, because I have been doing nothing BUT eating these past few days.

Let's start with Thanksgiving. I went to New Jersey with my sister Katie. We were going to her fiance Forde's aunt's house. Got it?

Forde's family is awesome. The minute I got there, they offered me scrambled eggs with cheese and sausage. This was followed by the aforementioned sausage bread, which is made by Forde's mom Dorrie. It's like a calzone but better. There were also spinach balls, deviled eggs, some sausage/cheese/bread concoction, bagels, baked brie, and more. And this was for BREAKFAST. And I ate all of it! Uh oh, I think it's going to be a bad Weight Watchers week, hehe.

At about 1pm, I switched from coffee to wine, woohoo! I kept stuffing myself and before I knew it it was time for dinner!

You can imagine the spread: turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, GRAVY. Everything must be doused in gravy if you ask me.

Since I am a trooper and very persevering, I kept eating and then, low and behold, it was time for dessert!

I ate some Saltine/brown sugar/chocolate concoction, chocolate chip cookies, chocolate mousse pie, and a homemade Reese's peanut butter cup-type pie. Yum! No one would think I was anorexic! I did say no to the rice pudding though!

Overall a great day! Many thanks to the Prigot, Donahue, Trata, and Stuart families. Big kisses! I cannot wait for Katie and Forde's wedding next November because the food will be good and we will be partying as soon as the vows are done.

So that was Thursday. Friday was awesome too. Three of my best buds in the world were in town: Holger, Sitar, and Ana. We went to Duke together and now live all over. We're a very metropolitan, sophisticated crew. Hehe. So we met on the Lower East Side at this place called Kuta House. Not free but delish. But, Sitar's sister Payal brought a chocolate mousse cake for Sitar's birthday so I ate that for free. Yum yum! And then we went to some fancy schmancy wine bar and Holgs bought us a bottle of red wine. We also played this really fun game called "Guess who is on an Internet date." It is HARD. There was this one couple that TOTALLY looked like an Internet date. He was tall, kind of gawky, but adorbs. She was a bit chunky. Let's call them Tim and Kim, shall we? Please bear in mind this is not about being shallow, but rather I am being observant and I used to work for a matchmaker so I am a bit fascinated by dating dynamics. Anyway, Holger remarked that they probably were not on an Internet date, because Kim was eating too much. He got the friend or brother/sister vibe. Kim was very animated and talkative and Tim would politely add his two-cents. I was still of the opinion that this meeting had been set up courtesy of mean, Kim may have put up an old picture. But then Judgment Day came: the check was brought over and Kim paid. So I'm thinking friends.

Saturday was tough. I did not leave the apartment till 8 pm when I met Sitar and Payal out for dinner, this time on the UES for Mexican food. Again, not free, but then Sitar bought me a drink at a nearby bar, though I'm not sure if it was before or after midnight. Eek!

Today I left my apartment to go to a flea market at Immaculate Conception Church. I bought a reading light for a dollar and a Support Our Troops magnet. However, I also got a Hot Wheels lunchbox for free! So new free food, but I figure this is a better investment.

All right, off to bed!


Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Your girl Liz is LAZY from eating so much turkey, dessert, and sausage bread. It was all free so we have lots to talk about but it will have to wait till tomorrow!


Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Turkey: Not just for Thanksgiving!

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving which is so so exciting because I will be going to my sister's fiance's family's house in Dirty Jerz to eat a BANQUET of free food. CANNOT WAIT to talk about it. I spent Easter with them and they like good food, even though they are not Italian. Woohoo! I give thanks prematurely to them!

Till then, I am ever so thankful to 2 wonderful people in my life: Johnny K and my sister Katie.

Johnny K is my colleague and dear friend at work who supplies my daily fix of candy. He also happens to have a fabulous sister Kerry who loves Real Housewives of Atlanta as much as I do (Can we talk--WHO watched the reunion??? Kim, what did you order at Chili's while waiting to find out if you had cancer? A bloomin' onion, perhaps? Guacamole? Only if it wasn't made with a mortar and pestle!). Today, John went above and beyond even that.

Remember how yesterday I pigged out on a hot dog with sauerkraut, a hamburger, and a Snack Wrap? And Johnny K offered me a delicious sandwich, which I had to TURN DOWN because I was too full??? Oh, those were dark days for a free food foodie such as myself.

Well, today was a half day at work, and Johnny K was about to leave for the day when he came up to me. "Remember that turkey sandwich with mozzarella and honey mustard from yesterday?"

"Um, yeah, John."

"Well, I still have half of it and I am going to throw it away. Want it?"

"Um, yeah, John."

I ate it and it was amazing.

Then tonight my sis Katie ventured to my pad in Queens. She made me watch Law & Oder about the crane, because the crane crashed into her real life apartment in Manhattan. BUT she bought me sushi for dinner, so it was all good.

Turkey and sushi! The pilgrims never had it so good!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Cheesecake: Not Just for the Golden Girls

This is going to be a quick one because I've got to go to Weight Watchers in a minute then I'm meeting someone for drinks (and he's cute, hehe).

Today I was just really ravenous. I had to run an errand for my boss, and on my way back I got a hot dog with sauerkraut and mustard at Chelsea Papaya that I ate on the go. I was still hungry when I passed a McDonalds, so I ordered a hamburger and a grilled chicken Snack Wrap. No fries for me!

Wait, wait, you're saying. Back up Liz. Did you STEAL this food? Is that why you're writing about it?

Hell no, I'm no thief. I bought it, but I am only telling you about it because it explains why I passed up a free sandwich!

See, I got back to the office and my boy Johnny K had a half a turkey and mozzarella sandwich that he couldn't finish. He offered it to me. I pouted and replied that I was too full.

Luckily, I was not full when my girl Sharon e-mailed me to say there was cheesecake and would I like a slice? I ran over like the wind. Yum, it was good.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Happy birthday brother Androo!

Yesterday was my brother Androo's 26th birthday. He lives in Nashville, he's 6'7, and he has a full beard so he looks like a hobo, but a really preppy hobo as he works at J. Crew (the pictures here are from our trip to San Francisco in June, when he knew what a razor was). Droo used to live in New York, and we were bff's, and now he is just the worst communicator ever. Droo--I left you two messages and you have yet to call me back! Such a man! At any rate, happy birthday. Too bad you don't live here anymore, because then someone might have bought you a cake, and I could have eaten a piece of it and written about it. Oh well!

Mondays are always tough, but this Monday is the beginning of a short week because of Thanksgiving, woohoo! And let me give a little early thanks. Thanks to Johnny K for always having candy in the Batman head. Thank you for corporate bigwigs for having meetings with good food. Thank you Mom for sending me a Thanksgiving card, but what was up with no check inside? Not to be rude, but I expect more from you. Just saying.

And finally, thank you to my boss for bringing in Munchkins today! I ate 2 chocolate ones and 2 glazed ones, and even accounted for their Weight Watchers points (about 6, according to

And thank YOU all for reading. Besos!

Sunday, November 23, 2008

On Watching Trashtastic VH1 on Sundays

Sundays are wonderful for doing things like catching up on all your shows that you have DVR'ed during the week, especially if you had too much to drink the night before and don't want to leave your couch! Guess who this describes? Me!

See, last night I went all the way to Williamsburg for my dear friends Paul and Jordan's joint birthday party. They were freshmen my senior at Duke and they are two of the funniest people I know. Anyway, for those who have never been, Williamsburg is a place where men have the skinniest chicken legs anywhere and they wear skinny jeans to complement these legs. They also grow moustaches ironically. It is a very hip, trendy place. Needless to say, I never go there.

So I get to the party, which is an apartment, and Paul's all, Lizzzzzz! You look great! Look at you! You would never know you eat free food every day!

For this, Paul, I love you.

I know no one at this party and the music's loud so I grab a drink (red wine)! And another! And another (this time a beer)! And I think a few more anothers, all red wine, which can be so problematic the way it makes your teeth red. Ugh. I also danced with a stranger which was fun!

Now, this is another example where I'm manipulating my own rules. I got to the party before midnight and left after midnight so thus had free booze yesterday and today.

I've felt a lot worse and today was an actual productive day. I watched The Pick-up Artist, Rock of Love Charm School, and Amazing Race. I am so ashamed to admit that I find Dallas really hot. He's more Guido than the kids on Growing Up Gotti, and I think he uses more gel than the continent of Europe, but he's got that hot beefcake, hasn't used his brain in a while look that I do adore. Plus he's running the race with his single mom. He's only 22 but maybe he's into cougar, hehehe.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Saturday Night Live in Liz's Life!

I've just opened up a bottle of 2 buck Chuck (which I paid for) and I'm pre-gaming for a party at my friend Paul's place in Brooklyn. This must be a record . . . two weekends in a row I'm leaving me dear borough of Queens to party on a Saturday night!Woohoo!

I haven't eaten anything free yet, but I have high hopes for this party.

Friday, November 21, 2008

On Candy and Hookers

Young people should be out on Friday nights. They should be carousing, drinking, and perhaps getting themselves into situations where they can blame it on beer goggles.

What is this young person doing tonight? Your girl Lizbeth went to the gym, stopped at Trader Joe's to buy 5 bottles of cheap wine, and got home just in time to catch the Ashley Alexandra Dupre interview on 20/20. Woohoo!

Ashley Alexandra Dupre, aka "Kristen," is the escort (as she likes to call herself) who brought down Steamroller "Lov Guv Jr"* Elliot Spitzer. Diane Sawyer interviewed her, and I'm sorry, Diane comes across as the biggest baddest ice cold bitch ever. Let me explain--Ms. Sawyer isn't mean per se, but she just has a such a sense of detachment, no sense of empathy whatsoever. I just don't get it. Give me Barbara WaWa or Oprah anyday. Hell, Tyra would have been great interviewing Dupre!

The whole thing is, this could have been possibly the best interview EVER, even better than when Connie Chung interviewed Gary Condit in 2001. Connie was all, yo, did you sleep with Chandra, and Condit's all, I've been married 34 years and have not been a perfect man. I remember watching that interview in 2001 at my aunt and uncle's house in Boca Raton and switching to a special episode of O'Reilly Factor immediately after to deconstruct the interview. Ah, those were simpler times.

Fast forward seven years and now it's all about terrorism, war, and cheating governors in the Tri-state area. During Diane's interview, the one thing that almost made my blood boil is when Diane is all, you went by Kristen, but your real name is Ashley Alexandra Dupre. I almost gagged. Any self-respecting New York Post reader such as myself knows that her REAL name is Ashley Youmans, then she took her step-dad's last name so she became Ashley DiPietro. Dupre is her lame ass stage name--she's trying to become a singer.

But anyway . . . this is a blog about free food and look how distracted I am getting!

Wasn't a great day in the pursuit. I ate 2 packs of Smarties, a Nestle Crunch, and Whoppers. I also had McDonald's for dinner, but I paid for that.

All right, I'm off to bed! Hopefully tomorrow I will live more as a young person should!

*Lov Guv Senior is disgraced former Governor of New Jersey, "I am a gay American" James McGreevey. He stepped down in 2004 after doing a lot of sketchy things involving men at rest stops and hiring people he was probably banging.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Thursday: a Great Day for Bagels!

Hey all,

I'm not gonna lie. I am a huge New York Post fan and I read it every day. I get all snippy on people who call it trash and say they only read the Times. Ugh, so snobby. You know they only really buy it for the crossword puzzle.

Anyway, how can you NOT love a paper with such headlines as "Ho No!" (Elliot Spitzer), "Warm up the Virgins" (Zarqawi) and of course the classic "Headless Body in Topless Bar." Whenever a scandal happens, I am so excited to buy the Post to see what they say.

That's why I'm disappoinyed in my OWN choice of headlines. I am not as quick and witty as I would like to be. Oh well!

But anyway . . . after so much champagne yesterday I needed a good hearty breakfast, so I was thrilled when I walked into work and there were leftover bagels! Woohoo!

This is short because I've got to go to bed. TTYL!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

I was not tardy to the party!

If there is one thing I love, it's a party. If there's another thing I love, it's The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Most of them are neither real nor housewives nor even from Atlanta proper, but rather delusional divorcees from surrounding suburbs. This includes everyone's favorite mistress, Kim, who says she is MY AGE (29)though she looks about 48 on a good day. That's what a pack of ciggies and a bottle of wine a day over a 15 year period will do to you! I love Kim because she makes me feel better about myself . . . while I may have no Sugar Daddy named Big Poppa, just a real dad who buys me sweaters from the Gap at Christmas, I don't have to get Botox and I know how to spell cat, along with many other words as I was the 1993 spelling bee champion of North Andover Middle School, not to brag. On the show, Kim is trying to be a country singer, and she is terrible, but she once sang a song called "Tardy to the Party" and it is the greatest song ever written, and I love it's message: Don't be tardy to the party! It might as well be my theme song, because one know that parties always have free food.

Today was super cool because we had a party at work to celebrate our successful year. They used to hold these meetings at lunch time and feed us pizza or Boston Market, but this year they held the meeting at 2. I wasn't sure if they were going to feed us, but then I saw tables set up so I begged one of the big shot's assistants to tell me what they were supplying. "I don't know Liz!" Whatever, she knew and just wouldn't tell me.

I walked to the kitchen area to get a cup of coffee, and my oh my was I not pleasantly surprised to see two caterers setting up trays with cupcakes! Woohoo! They were mostly mini-cupcakes, of which usually I am not a huge supporter, but the benefit of those is that you can try many different flavors. There was also one box of those delicious green cupcakes like the one I ate yesterday. I filed away in my head to make sure to grab one of the big kahunas when they put them out.

I returned to my desk and then a company-wide e-mail was sent out for everyone to assemble where we would talk about the year. The meeting was very rah rah, but let's be honest here--I wanted those goddamn cupcakes! The meeting concluded and then we were allowed to eat!

And . . . . drink champagne!

Two caterers walked through the mass of people with flutes of champagne. One caterer was a very cute boy. This is relevant to the rest of the story so tuck that fact away, readers. I drank two flutes and took one back to my desk in case of an emergency. I then went down to the sixth floor to converse with a colleague who missed the meeting. I bragged that I had two glasses of champagne, and he got all pissy on me, like it was my responsibility to get him drunk.

But, Liz loves a challenge and does believe that everyone should eat and drink for free as long as I don't have to foot the bill! So I ran back upstairs and, oh wow, the hot caterer was still there!

"Hey, hot caterer, will you help me bring some champagne downstairs?"

"Why of course, beautiful young woman!"

So hot boy loaded up a tray with champagne flutes (yes, I feel ridic writing out the words "champagne flutes" but I can't think of any other words right now) and we brought them downstairs and made stops at all the offices of the people who missed the meeting. They might have been tardy to the party--heck they MISSED the party--but it doesn't mean we can't throw our own!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Don't be tardy to the party!

Oh my God kids. Can we talk??? WHO just watched Real Housewives of Atlanta? Kerry? How AMAZING was it??? I am disappointed that Mychael Knight did not school Sheree more, though I am excited that She by Sheree will be hitting the runway soon! I hope I can get tickets to the next fundraiser to the DeShawn Snow Foundation, and maybe I can buy some jury from Lisa's line. If I'm REALLY lucky, Kim will perform at the Highline Ballroom, and NeNe will join me to watch and we will throw tomatoes at her. Hell, maybe Big Poppa will come too! Do you think now that he's broken up with Kim, he'll be my Sugar Daddy? Please? I love that we found out they'd only been dating 7 months . . . she must be QUITE an accomplished girlfriend if he's financing her like that. Wow. I just cannot wait for the reunion. There is going to be a major smackdown between Lisa and Kim. Woohoo!

I know you're all, Liz, shouldn't this be about free food! Did you maybe pillage some peaches? Is that why you're all about Georgia? And the answer would be no, I buy my peaches, and not this time of year because they're out of season and too expensive. It's a recession baby, and that's why this past week has been one for the ages. It's like a free food famine. Yes, I did get to go to a pawn shop champagne lunch on Saturday, but this week at work has been a dearth of free food. Thank God for Johnny K and his Batman head!

Well, since it's been a quiet couple of days, I've been on a mission. One of my coworkers not in my department walked by my desk with a box that could only be filled with one thing: cupcakes. I casually said to her, hey, if you have any extra, I'll help you. She said that they were only going to people who worked on a certain initiative that the company just completed. She then walks right by me and brings the box to Ken's desk, where she leaves them and walks away. Now, Ken knows I LOVE free food, and he's hugely supportive of my quest. I ran over to his desk, and before I even got there he smiles at me and opens the box. "Look what I've got! Magnolia cupcakes. Take one Liz!"

I did and it was absolutely divine.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Monday, Monday!

Your girl Lizbeth woke up early this morning to go running. "I am going to be healthy and 30 lbs lighter by next November!" I declared. So I dragged my sorry ass out of bed after pressing snooze only 3 times instead of my usual 6. What a trooper!

Did I hope for a little free food karma? Perhaps there would be bagels left out at the office as a way to reward me for my burst of energy? Bueller? Um . . . the answer is no! I went to work and got absolutely NO free food so I took 3 packs of Smarties and a mini-Reese's peanut butter cup from Johnny K's Batman head.

HOWEVER, today the company brought in some people to give us flu shoots and test our blood pressure. Woohoo! It was cool because they brought free swag, so while I did not eat anything delicious on the company dime, I did get a water bottle, a mini-First Aid kit, and a vial of hand sanitizer that looks like a pee sample. I will post a picture of it tomorrow.

All right, off to play Snood, hehe.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

The Sunday Blues

After such a great Saturday at the pawn shop grand opening, God let me down in my pursuit for free food. Weekends are tough--there is no candy stash that someone else bought in my apartment, not as many dates as there should be, and no corporate lunch meetings in my kitchen. So I've got to be creative.

I didn't eat for free, but I'm going to be all technical and tell you that I actually DID drink for free today. By technical, it means that it happened after midnight, probably around 1am this morning, so I was thinking of it as more "Saturday night," but hey, I've got a blog to write!

See, last night I went to my dear friend Lori's birthday at a loud bar in Manhattan. I never leave Queens on weekends so this was a big adventure. I dressed up all librarian-like--glasses, cardigan, hair pulled back . . . and a short dress, hehe. You work with you've got people. I took an empty 20 oz Coke Zero bottle and poured cheap red wine into it so I could pre-game on the long subway ride downtown. Oh boy. Just like a freshman in college again. Or an alcoholic. So I get to the bar around 11pm and it feels like a frat party, except with fatter, shorter dudes. But I'm in Manhattan and ready to party! My sister Katie bought me a drink. Sweet! Then I ordered a beer on someone else's tab (they said I could, I'm not that cheap or devious). Then around 12:30 or 1am, the birhtday girl Lori bought me a drink, for which I was grateful but also felt all sorts of wrong, since I should have bought HER a drink! Well, next time.

One of the sort of trippy things about New York is you see famous people sometimes. Kind of like "Stars, they're just like us!" except there is no parazzi following them. Since I moved to New York two and a half years ago, I've seen Vincent D'Onofrio, Chris Robinson of the Black Crowes, Luke Perry, Simon Doonan (I went up to him and told him I loved his book. He was grateful and short!), and Carson Kressley.

So last night at the bar I saw some random good-looking dude. He looked super familiar and then I realized it was Michael Oliver, one of the New York City police officers who shot Sean Bell almost exactly 2 years ago. My friend was shocked I recognized such a random person, but I read the New York Post every day and Peyser was all over that case. Anyway, it was just . . . weird.

I'm not going to be all Cindy Adams on you and say, "Only in New York, kids, only in New York" but . . . .

well, I just need some free food.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Weekend Update, live from the Pawn Shop!

Oh my this is one of the BEST days ever in the quest for free food. It doesn't get much better than this kids. Why? you ask. Well, read on friends, read on.

I woke up fairly early this morning because my landlord had to come over and remove mold from the walls of my apartment. How beautiful! I messed around on my computer for about an hour, and I contemplated going for a run, but then it started raining so I said f that! Feeling guilty, I decided to go to the gym.

I worked up a sweat for about an hour and felt awesome, but trust me did not LOOK awesome. For my loyal readers, I have frequently mentioned that I'm not one of those cute, adorbs gym-goers. No, I sweat like a banshee, and my hair is all over the place, and I am bright red. Today was no different. By the time I was done with my workout, the sky had cleared up and it was warm and I walked home.

I was about to turn the corner to grab a coffee at Dunkin Donuts, when a skinny black man dressed up as Santa Claus handed me a flyer.

"Grand Opening" it read.

Okay cool.

"Ribbon Cutting Ceremony, Champagne Lunch, Giveaways & Prizes, Meet the Press & Staff . . . ."

Wait a minute, let's backtrack! Did the flyer say CHAMPAGNE LUNCH??? As in free food???

Oh yes it did! And you know what the BEST part is??? This was a grand opening for a PAWN SHOP!

I ran into a nearby thrift store and called my brother Andrew in Nashville. "Yo Droo, there's this free champagne lunch at a new pawn shop in the nabe. Should I go?"

Droo replied: "Of course, or you would not be my sister."

"But the thing is, Droo, it's 1:20 now and the ribbon cutting is in 10 minutes and I don't have time to change out of my gym clothes."

Droo pointed out: "It's a pawn shop. I think the dress code will be pretty relaxed."

I needed no more encouragement so I dashed over to the new store.

When I walked in, there were balloons, coupons, and cheap jewelry. There were two 6 feet long subs, a smattering of potato chips, some random Greek food (this is Astoria after all), and potato salad. Oh, and champagne!

I grabbed a plate and filled it up with sub, potato salad, and Greek stuff. A woman who clearly worked there approached me. "You know, feel free to take that home!"

Ouch. I was (nicely) being asked to leave the grand opening of a pawn shop.

I went outside and ate my food on a bench, just in time to witness the ribbon cutting ceremony, which is quite possibly the most momentous and dramatic event I have ever seen in my life.

I finished up and went home. With this economy, I'll probably be at the pawn shop soon enough!!!

Friday, November 14, 2008

Tuna and high school

Today was pretty awesome because I was eating my lunch at my desk and my boss came ove rand offered me her tuna melt. Apparently, the cafe where she went made her two by accident. Knowing my addiction to free food, she knew I was the most suitable candidate out of all my coworkers!

Then after work I went to a friend from high school's photography exhibit's open house. I haven't seen Orrie in 12 years, but Facebook has reconnected us, woohoo! I stayed long enough to say hi, drink a plastic cup of Charles Shaw Cabernet Sauvignot, and then I left.

Now I'm going to a bar, where hopefully someone buys me a drink, hehe.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

My favorite fungi!

Is Blue cheese! So I was so very excited today when someone gave me their leftover buffalo chicken wrap from Hale & Hearty! Thanks friend!

My LEAST favorite fungi is mildew, and I seem to have quite a growth in my apartment right now! Goddamn, New York City!

That's all for now, because I've got to watch Real Housewives of Atlanta.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

The Brief Wondrous Life of Liz S

Ugh, SO SORRY this entry is late! I am writing it at 12:30am, so while not technically 11.13.08, it's meant to describe the free food I ate today . . . er, yesterday!

WHY am I writing so late? Well, I just got home. And WHY am I home so late on a work night?

Hot date, Liz?

Well, depends what you mean by hot. If you mean, a one on one meeting with a member of the opposite sex, where he pays for dinner and drinks, where the night MIGHT end with a kiss or beyond, then no, I was not on a hot date.

BUT, if you mean a lively discussion with your book club about the baddest, best book of 2007 (released in paperback in 2008) called The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, written by Junot Diaz, then your ass would be right! As a bookworm/geek/potential future librarian, it is my duty to tell you to read this book. It's a totally bitchin' story about a ghetto Dominican nerd named Oscar de Leon who lives in New Jersey. I read it last year when it first came out and then had to read it again for my book club and it was even better the second time around.

So now that I'm all over my literary high horse, I'll tell you why my book club is not only good for books but also for free food, hence its inclusion in my amazing blog!

It is good for free food because the host always provides free food!

So tonight we met at Babs's house in my old nabe, Park Slope. Unfortunately Babs burnt all the appetizers, so there were only carrots and a Japanese-type cracker/dried wasabi pea/sunflower seed concoction. Also a bowl of Sweet Tarts and Milky Ways, an interest combo I believe was left over from Halloween, though I would have thought Obama pins would be a more fitting gift for the Slope trick or treaters. But, I digress. I managed to eat several of all three snacks, and was getting all antsy-pants for dinner, which did not disappoint. Babs prepared barbecue chicken, bread and butter, a delicious salad, and cookies! Yippee skippee!

After I ate everything, we talked about dating which is not so cliche if you knew the composition of my book club. Bitter single women in our 20s and 30s we are not--half the group is 60 or older, and the other half features the daughter of a married couple in the group and her friends (this is the half to which I belong, fyi). I actually was invited to join the group after I met the daughter on the subway over a year ago. Gretchen was reading "Unbearable Lightness of Being" and we started talking about how great that book was, which evolved into talking about how great many books were, which led to an invitation to join the coolest book club ever.

And now I need to go to bed!


Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Dum dums make you dumb dumb . . .

... so hopefully Smarties will make you smart smart! Well, at least this was the logic I was going for today when I took candy from Johnny K's stash (which he keeps in a plastic Batman head, by the way). See, I am REALLY trying hard after the J Crew debacle to curb my taste for candy. Since I am not ready to give it up cold turkey-hell, I'm not ready to give it up even warm turkey, and definitely not hot turkey--I am trying to wean myself off the chocolate stuff and only eat the sugary snacks like Nerds, Sweet Tarts, and the aforementioned Smarties. Sure, my teeth may rot, but that's what dentures are for!

Monday, November 10, 2008


I am so embarrassed but I had NO free food today, unless you count the cupcake I got from work last week and ate today! I have failed all 6 of my loyal readers!

I also just found out Greg from the Pickup Artist is a MORMON. Whaaaaa???? Hopefully he is non-practicing!

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Fondue is a fon-do!

What's up kids? After my disastrous trip to J. Crew, I realized I might need a little help from God. So today I went to to church for my cousin's confirmation, and I begged Him: Please aid me in my quest for free food, but make it healthy.

Did God listen?

Well, sort of!

See, after the confirmation my aunt and uncle took us out to dinner at a really delicious fondue restaurant called Artisanal in Manhattanh. We ate cheese fondue and french fries (yuppy, fancy fries which they call "frittes" on the menu), probably not the best choice for a lifestyle change. Where are You, God???

Well, He was listening because then the waitress came to take our dinner order and I chose branzini (a type of white fish) instead of the mushroom risotto which looked delish, creamy, and fattening! Thanks God!

To reward myself, I gladly partook in the chocolate fondue for dessert, but I only ate the fruit pieces--bananas and apricots. Well, okay, I also ate a couple cookies and homemade marshmallows, but not a ton of them!

All right, back to tv, although my DVR did not record any of my shows today, so I'm stuck watching HBO On Demand. God, come back!

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Get a (J) Clue: Rethinking my Free Food Addiction

Yowzas kids. My brother Androo is visiting from Nashville and we went shopping at J. Crew. Despite the fact that my brother is 6'7 and looks like a mountain man (UVM style, not Deliverance style, fyi), he has an excellent sense of style so he helped me pick out some clothes. I tried on skinny jeans and cords and wow was I a bigger size than I thought! Instead of despairing, however, I reminded myself that it is only white men who are averse to a round, full derriere, and that in the Middle Ages there would probably be lots of portraits painted of me.

So tonight when I went over to my aunt and uncle's house, I did not let"Pants-gate" discourage me from eating a bowl of chocolate chip ice cream and three Thin Mints.

I'm still adorbs!

Friday, November 7, 2008


My bro is in town and we're about to go to a bar, but today there were no lunch meetings so all I ate for free were a few Hershey bars and packs of Smarties courtesy of Johnny K's Batman head. Woohoo!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

On Greg and Muffins

Last night before I went to bed I started watching the Pick-Up Artist on VH1, which is tied with Real Housewives of Atlanta as being my favorite show on television at the moment. The premise of the show is that this pick-up master named Mystery (who looks like he's going to a Renaissance Fair but hey, some people find that hot) gives dorks makeovers and works on developing their self-confidence so they can ultimately attract women. I am a feminist, so yes, this show is totally horrifying on many levels, but overall it is AWESOME and I love the geeks on it and I want them all to succeed.

Except for one guy, who I only want to succeed with me, if you know what I mean. His name is Greg and he is HOT. He used to have long hair and glasses and then they gave him contacts and a haircut so now he is F-I-N-E fine. I tried to post his pictures but blogger is not letting me do it, boo.

I only watched a scene or two on the DVR before I went to bed. And then the next morning I woke up all hot and bothered because I had kind of a sexy dream, inspired by Greg! And when I say "kind of a sexy dream," it means 1) I am Catholic so I am an angel! 2) my Dad reads this blog (or so he says) and 3) it only involved kissing (for real).

In addition to being kind of sexy, it was really disturbing, because it involved a high school classmate who I have not thought about since high school and who was just flat out strange. Granted, I was on the math team in high school so who I am to judge. But in my dream he was grown up and really hot, and tall, and possessed beautiful full lips, and he kissed me in a really sensuous and Casanova-Don Juan way, while remaining pretty manly.

So this morning I was all confused: Why was I dreaming about weird high school boy? Why did I not even get laid in my dreams??? I may be Catholic but I still have needs, God Damnit! So I was super thrilled wen I got to work because there was a pumpkin chocolate chip muffin waiting for me on my desk! My colleague Stace had made them using a low-fat recip, no less, so I was ecstatic. Then later on one of our freelancers came by with a HUGE box of leftover cupcakes from a shoot. I took 3, but ended up giving one away because I'm good like that. I brought one home for dessert and then left one at work for a mid-afternoon (hell, let's be honest here, probably a mid-morning) snack tomorrow.

And don't fret, I returned the gym today before coming home and finishing Pick-Up Artist, where there was some pretty hot Greg action, woohoo!

I wonder what I will dream tonight!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Pizza rules!

Due to the craaaaazy election, I am really behind on all my shows. Tonight I managed to catch up with two of them: Real Housewives of Atlanta (which Anderson Cooper watches, by the way) and Rock of Love Charm School. Tomorrow night will be Amazing Race, The Pick-Up Artist, and maybe 90210.It is so tough having such a busy schedule. Between my shows, work, and the gym (my sister is getting married in a year and I have to look amazing, just in case I'm still single and there is a hot catering boy there who needs a book-lovin', pop-culture whorin', glasses-wearin' dynamo to show him the way at the wedding), I have barely have time to cook.

So it's awesome when my company takes this into consideration and feeds me.

Today I forgot I had a lunch meeting for some emergency response training team I'm on at the office. We had our annual training, and because the folks who assemble this team have an appreciation for food, they ordered in a fabulous lunch.

We had to bring our own drinks, and they said there were would be pizza. Which there was.

BUT, they also ordered buffalo wings and salad. Genius! I ate a slice of pepperoni and a slice of cheese, 3 wings, and some celery dipped in blue cheese. I was going to take a second plate for the salad, but then I said to myself, Who are you fooling? Do you think the salad will wipe out all the calories? Hell no. So why bother. I think they ordered it just to make me feel guilty.

I went to the gym after work, did the eliptical for 40 minutes, felt awesome, then came home and vegged. Ah, a great day!


Tuesday, November 4, 2008

I vote for free food!

Yo, what a confusing day it was.

First, I woke up and voted. Yippee!

Then I went to work. I was excited because I had two meetings, including one at 1 pm, so I thought for sure I'd be fed on the company dime!

When I got to my 1 o'clock meeting, however, there was NOTHING. Luckily, I had dashed two avenue blocks to McDonald's already just in case. So, I ate a triple cheeseburger and fries for lunch, though not free.

I was agitated but not despondent. After all, there was still enough time left in the day to find a bagel or pasta salad or something similar. And then at about 3:30 or 4, I really scored: there were some adorbs mini-cupcakes and decorated Halloween cookies from Eleni's leftover from another meeting. Woohoo!

Now I'm off to drink to celebrate the election of the next President of the USA!


Monday, November 3, 2008

I elect free food for President!

After a very shady weekend of free food, where my friend had to treat me so I could get my quota in (how moochy sounding of me, I am so embarrassed) I am pleased to announce that today was a pretty fabulous day for free food, albeit junky snack food! First I ate a lot of leftover Halloween candy from Johnny K's stash. This does not bode well with my Weight Watchers and Marathon goals, but whatevs. Then I walked over to pick up some copies from the printer, and low and behold there was a spread of gourmet yuppy snack foods, I guess from someone's gift basket. I ate some fancy chips, asparagus dip, and chocolate covered-toffee almonds. Yum! I also grabbed the lone dark chocolate candy bar, because I knew no one else would have the cojones to take it but yours truly!

Go vote tomorrow!

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Marathon Eating!

Hey all! It's your bestest pal Liz bringing you the news in my quest to eat across New York City and beyond without paying a dime! No, I'm not a freegan and no I'm not a total mooch/cheapskate/thief, but I love free stuff!

This weekend was actually very challenging in the hunt. Today was the New York City Marathon, and I watched from 76th St and 1st Ave to support my good friend Lori. She ran like the wind, and I am really, really proud of her. Go Lori!

I felt all inspired to run the marathon next year for about 3 minutes after Lori passed us, and then I got all hungry. My friends and I ventured to a friend's pad on the Upper East Side. Susan and Janice stopped at the grocery store to pick up snacks and beer, woohoo!

We got to the apartment, and I ate lots of chips and homemade pizza. Surprisingly, I only drank soda.

Janice asked everyone to contribute $10. I only had a $20, and she couldn't make change, so my friend Adam told me he'd cover my part and I could buy him a beer next time. Adam rules! This meant that this meal would count towards my free food stash. Otherwise I probably would have had to steal something on the way home, hehe (and just kidding, I don't steal, in case any future potential employees are googling me).

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Post-Halloween Blues

Oh my, weekends are tough! All I've got for you is a "fun-size" pack of Whoppers which I grabbed from the party I attended last night but did not eat till today. Hopefully I will have better luck tomorrow!