Expanding your wallet while expanding your waistline!
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Weekend Update, live from the Pawn Shop!
Oh my this is one of the BEST days ever in the quest for free food. It doesn't get much better than this kids. Why? you ask. Well, read on friends, read on.
I woke up fairly early this morning because my landlord had to come over and remove mold from the walls of my apartment. How beautiful! I messed around on my computer for about an hour, and I contemplated going for a run, but then it started raining so I said f that! Feeling guilty, I decided to go to the gym.
I worked up a sweat for about an hour and felt awesome, but trust me did not LOOK awesome. For my loyal readers, I have frequently mentioned that I'm not one of those cute, adorbs gym-goers. No, I sweat like a banshee, and my hair is all over the place, and I am bright red. Today was no different. By the time I was done with my workout, the sky had cleared up and it was warm and I walked home.
I was about to turn the corner to grab a coffee at Dunkin Donuts, when a skinny black man dressed up as Santa Claus handed me a flyer.
Wait a minute, let's backtrack! Did the flyer say CHAMPAGNE LUNCH??? As in free food???
Oh yes it did! And you know what the BEST part is??? This was a grand opening for a PAWN SHOP!
I ran into a nearby thrift store and called my brother Andrew in Nashville. "Yo Droo, there's this free champagne lunch at a new pawn shop in the nabe. Should I go?"
Droo replied: "Of course, or you would not be my sister."
"But the thing is, Droo, it's 1:20 now and the ribbon cutting is in 10 minutes and I don't have time to change out of my gym clothes."
Droo pointed out: "It's a pawn shop. I think the dress code will be pretty relaxed."
I needed no more encouragement so I dashed over to the new store.
When I walked in, there were balloons, coupons, and cheap jewelry. There were two 6 feet long subs, a smattering of potato chips, some random Greek food (this is Astoria after all), and potato salad. Oh, and champagne!
I grabbed a plate and filled it up with sub, potato salad, and Greek stuff. A woman who clearly worked there approached me. "You know, feel free to take that home!"
Ouch. I was (nicely) being asked to leave the grand opening of a pawn shop.
I went outside and ate my food on a bench, just in time to witness the ribbon cutting ceremony, which is quite possibly the most momentous and dramatic event I have ever seen in my life.
I finished up and went home. With this economy, I'll probably be at the pawn shop soon enough!!!
Liz Simons is a New York City-based comedian who has performed all over the city at top clubs including Carolines, Gotham, and Broadway Comedy Club. She has been a featured performer in the show Mortified in New York and Boston. She is adorable, single, and likes to eat. She started this blog because she was known as the girl at her office who was always the first person to know about the leftover food from meetings. And how she loved that free food! She took that passion and now writes about her daily selection of free food.