Saturday, November 15, 2008

Weekend Update, live from the Pawn Shop!

Oh my this is one of the BEST days ever in the quest for free food. It doesn't get much better than this kids. Why? you ask. Well, read on friends, read on.

I woke up fairly early this morning because my landlord had to come over and remove mold from the walls of my apartment. How beautiful! I messed around on my computer for about an hour, and I contemplated going for a run, but then it started raining so I said f that! Feeling guilty, I decided to go to the gym.

I worked up a sweat for about an hour and felt awesome, but trust me did not LOOK awesome. For my loyal readers, I have frequently mentioned that I'm not one of those cute, adorbs gym-goers. No, I sweat like a banshee, and my hair is all over the place, and I am bright red. Today was no different. By the time I was done with my workout, the sky had cleared up and it was warm and I walked home.

I was about to turn the corner to grab a coffee at Dunkin Donuts, when a skinny black man dressed up as Santa Claus handed me a flyer.

"Grand Opening" it read.

Okay cool.

"Ribbon Cutting Ceremony, Champagne Lunch, Giveaways & Prizes, Meet the Press & Staff . . . ."

Wait a minute, let's backtrack! Did the flyer say CHAMPAGNE LUNCH??? As in free food???

Oh yes it did! And you know what the BEST part is??? This was a grand opening for a PAWN SHOP!

I ran into a nearby thrift store and called my brother Andrew in Nashville. "Yo Droo, there's this free champagne lunch at a new pawn shop in the nabe. Should I go?"

Droo replied: "Of course, or you would not be my sister."

"But the thing is, Droo, it's 1:20 now and the ribbon cutting is in 10 minutes and I don't have time to change out of my gym clothes."

Droo pointed out: "It's a pawn shop. I think the dress code will be pretty relaxed."

I needed no more encouragement so I dashed over to the new store.

When I walked in, there were balloons, coupons, and cheap jewelry. There were two 6 feet long subs, a smattering of potato chips, some random Greek food (this is Astoria after all), and potato salad. Oh, and champagne!

I grabbed a plate and filled it up with sub, potato salad, and Greek stuff. A woman who clearly worked there approached me. "You know, feel free to take that home!"

Ouch. I was (nicely) being asked to leave the grand opening of a pawn shop.

I went outside and ate my food on a bench, just in time to witness the ribbon cutting ceremony, which is quite possibly the most momentous and dramatic event I have ever seen in my life.

I finished up and went home. With this economy, I'll probably be at the pawn shop soon enough!!!


Kerry said...

Hello! Im Johnny K's sister and I love free food AND this blog! This is the funniest post yet! I love that you went to the opening of a freakin pawn shop and snagged a plate of delicious hero sandwich and potato salad.
I can't wait to hear about what you ate for free today!
PS- I am also obsessed with the Real Housewives of Atlanta. They are the best. And by best, I mean the absolute WORST people ever. Love it!

Liz said...

Hi Kerry! You are too kind! Thanks for reading. Your bro is my saviour during the week, hehe. Today is not looking good--I have no plans and I don't think any pawn shops are opening up, eek.

And I am happy you appreciate the Real Housewives of Atlanta. They're all a hot mess, but I love them!

Kerry said...

Well, if you are ever in New Orleans and need some free food, I am always willing to cook. Today I made ropa vieja and oatmeal chocolate chip pumpkin cookies!
If you're ever in town you can have some...for free!
Enjoy your Sunday!

aden said...

Hi Liz!

This is so damn funny.

Liz said...

Haha pawn shops rule! If only I had some kickball retreats to go to . . . those were a haven for free food!