Friday, October 31, 2008

Trick or Treat!

I am dressed up as a cavewoman, a costume I have owned since 1997. I look adorable and hot without looking slutty, not to brag.

But, if I continue to eat all the York Peppermint Patties and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and M and Ms like I did today, I will not fit into ANY of my clothes!

All right, I'm off to party.



Thursday, October 30, 2008

Real Free Food Eater of New York City

Here is the thing. I am completely obsessed with the show The Real Housewives of Atlanta to the point that I am dreaming about peach cobbler and pecan pie and David Justice (he played for the Braves, right?). I want to be bff's with NeNe, rip off Kim's wig (she is supposed to be the same age as me, eek for her considering she looks like a washed up 45!), and punch smug Sheree in the face. I would even consider buying jew-ry from Kim's new line, but only after attending a session at the DeShawn Snow Foundation in order to raise my self esteem.

I'm telling you--you NEED to watch this show! Their insane materialism makes my shallow quest for free food look like the most inspiring, honest, righteous oddysey in the world.

Case in point--today my department threw a surprise wedding shower for a colleague who is getting married next week. She is a total doll. But, I love her even more because this occasion meant delicious free food from Balducci's! Yippee skippee! I ate 2 salami sandwiches, some pesto pasta salad, and a brownie and a cookie. Now I'm leaving to go to a party with an outside vendor, and I know there is at least free booze. Yeah!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

TGI Wednesday!

Hello friends!

Well well well. I am so thrilled to share with you my most excellent day in the land of free food. I woke up this morning late. Scattered, I rushed to work with a very minimalistic lunch packed: a can of Diet Coke, a container of yogurt that I probably wouldn't eat, and a can of black bean soup. Woop de do.

But then I got to work and there was a very pleasant surprise: pizza! See, the company decided to get in on this whole "Feed Liz Free Food" bandwagon and they planned a networking lunch meeting where we can learn about other departments in the corporation. Now, I know that this wasn't designed just for me, but it felt that way as they provided pies and soda. I ate two slices and it was delish.

Then I met an old friend for dinner after work in Midtown. We originally planned to meet at Faces and Names, but it was packed so we ventured south a few blocks and arrived at the mecca of good taste: TGI Fridays. Woohoo!

We ordered wings, a steak and cheese sandwich, fries, and a bacon cheeseburger. The bill came and my friend handed the waitress his credit card. "It's on me," he said.

I said "yeah!"

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Muffins do not make me immune to a broken heart

All right, folks, I'm being dramatic, but I was supposed to be on a dating boot camp show where I would learn skills and meet cute boys, and then the producers e-mail me at 5:45 today to say no thanks we don't want you!

Which, whatevs, kind of sucks, but especially blows because all I got was a free blueberry muffin today! WTF???

Now I am off to do a comedy show. Will talk more about this disgrace tomorrow.

Monday, October 27, 2008

When did meetings get HEALTHY???

As you know one of my favorite pastimes is raiding leftovers from corporate bigwig meetings. You never know when you will find a really rich penne alla vodka, or chicken ceasar salad, or a scrumptious brownie! I always feel like Robin Hood when I stumble on these spreads, but instead of stealing from the rich to give to the poor I'm stealing to feed myself! Oh sweet Jesus!

So today you can imagine how excited I was because there was this long 4 or 5 hour meeting with all the big shots in the largest conference room in my office. My mind swam with visions of gigantic chocolate chip cookies, portabello mushroom sandwiches, and gourmet potato chips. And this was just my recession-era imagination! So finally at 6pm the meeting broke and they put the food out in the kitchen. I rushed over to claim my booty.

And what is there but fruit. FRUIT! Are you kidding me? I've waited all day for THIS?!?!

Nevertheless, I ran back to my desk and grabbed two Tupperware containers I keep for just such an occasion. I mean, I DO go to Weight Watchers for a reason people, hehe.

Then I also grabbed a Reese's Caramel Peanut Butter Cup to cleanse the palate on my way out. And I also saw 4 REALLY hot firemen in the building lobby, but I wasn't wearing anything cute today. I didn't look like a lesbian gym teacher this time, but it's been a while since I've done my laundry. Bahhhhh!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Reading children's lit and eating cupcakes: What the cool kids are doing

In case you didn't know, I am a nerd. Granted, it's not as obvious as when I was a high school mathlete and 8th-grade spelling bee champion, but my inner geekiness shines through quite frequently when I talk about the 52 books I read every year (one a week kiddos. Jealous, no?).

This year I am on pace to read about 65, no joke, because 1) I am a geek (see above) 2) I have a long subway commute and 3) I read a lot of children's lit. Not all the time, peeps, but I am in a children's lit book club and today we met to discuss the Looking Glass Wars, which is this weird sci-fi, fantasy-tinged retelling of Alice in Wonderland. It is okay, but reread Harriet the Spy if you want to read the best children's book evs.

And just like my food, I like my books free too so I am a frequent visitor to the NYPL.

But I digress. My book club meetings are always fun because, you guessed it, there is free food. We met at Steph's pad in Brooklyn, which was not as nightmarish to get to as I thought it would be from Queens. I brought chocolate chip cookies which I had made the night before. I added candy corn to them which was experimental and a failure. But, they were still edible.

Luckily, the spread was pretty eclectic and expanisve. There was hummus and chips, sticky pork buns dim sum thingies, little Ritz Bitz cheese crackers, and my beloved cupcakes! I ate a little bit of everything, hehe, no big surprise there!

Now I need to go to bed before I eat something else non-free!

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Let's do brunch!

One of the great things about having friends and family who make more money than you is that they always offer to pay! Not that I am a mooch, but my sister Katie and her friend Lori called me up this morning to ask if I wanted to go to brunch on the Upper East Side. Now, I live in Queens, so anyone knows this is like asking someone who lives in Boston to drive to Portland, Maine for a meal. I whined but finally relented when they said it would be their treat!

So we went to Green Something Kitchen and I ordered coffee and Eggs Guacamole. Then afterwards Lori suggested we get fro yo, and I figured why not? So I got peanut chocolate and mint chocolate chip with jimmies on top (jimmies are sprinkles to all you non-New Englanders out there), all courtesy of Katie and Lori. It was delish and free! Now I am getting ready to go to a party, where I am sure there will be some complimentary snacks. Gym be damned!

Friday, October 24, 2008

It's Friday night and I am watching cable and writing about free food!

Today was a "meh" day in the hunt for free food. Last night I had bought Johnny K some Butterfingers and Nestle chocolate bars (the ones in the red wrappers, not Crunches) for his candy stash, so I had to make sure I didn't eat those today because they wouldn't count towards my free food quota. So instead I ate a Reese's Caramel Peanut Butter cup, which is good in theory but melts and is very messy so a bit annoying to eat at work because it gets your keyboard all sticky. My co-worker Jim also gave me a piece of dark chocolate which was cool. Thanks Jim!

I went to the gym again today, woohoo! If I'm going to eat all this free food, I might as well do something to keep the junk in the trunk at bay. I love my gym because I can look like a lesbian gym teacher and it's okay, because I go to the gym in Chelsea and none of the cute boys are checking me out, you know what I mean? Not that there is anything wrong with looking like a lesbian gym teacher or even being one, but as a heterosexual girl approaching 30 in 9 and a half months, I want to emit sexy-come-hither vibes to potential mates, not I-will-beat-you-in-touch-football vibes. Just saying.

After the gym, I went home on the subway. I stopped at Key Foods to pick up some chocolate chips because I have to bake cookies for my children's lit book club that meets on Sunday. At this point, I still looked like a lesbian gym teacher, which would have been fine but there were some totally hot young firefighters in the market, and they didn't want to put out this fire, if you know what I mean. Note to self--always look hot when going into Key Foods.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Boston Market: Home Away From Home

This week I completed the novel Mergers & Acquisitions. Mergers & Acquisitions is very funny and very good. It blends the biting satire of Tom Wolfe with the hilarious lunacy of Christopher Moore, two of my all-time favorite writers.

Mergers & Acquisitions was written by Dana Vachon, who graduated a year behind me at Duke and received a two-book, $650,000 advance from his publisher. I write a free blog about free food. Eek! And hearing all this about classmates WAY more successful than I just wants me want to work that much harder for my free grub! Maybe someone will discover me!

So, while I'm waiting, I am going to hunt!

Today I ate an early lunch because I skipped breakfast. I brought in Weight Watchers Cabbage soup and white cannelloni bean chili. Not free because I made both of them. After I ate, I went to the bathroom and I passed Conference Room 8B and there was a PARTY going on. I assumed it was all the higher ups, because they are usually the ones who have catered lunch meetings, but no, it was normal people like me! Apparently one of my colleagues got a new job and her department was throwing her a going away party. And there was Boston Market food! I thought to myself--yes you just ate your Weight Watchers soup and Cooking Light Chili, but what you REALLY want is mac and cheese and mashed potatoes and creamed corn and a chocolate cookie and half a big brownie! So I crashed the party and ate all these food items.

But don't worry, I went to the gym after work.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Sandwiches! Hot cross buns! Delish!

I got to go in a minute, but today was a good day. Ate some candy in addition to a tasty hot cross bun my dear friend Shelly gave me. The maintenance guy also told me about a stash of leftover sandwiches, so I ate a tuna and tomato/brie concoction. Not bad!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

2 points: Not just for basketball

Ugh, it is going to be a sloooooow week in free food land, I can tell you that much.

Today I had a couple candy bars from Johnny K's stash as well as a sample of prosciutto pasta from the Buitoni stand. Not terrible, but the same as yesterday. Then, because I have been eating so much free candy, I went to a Weight Watchers meeting, where they gave out free bags of 2 pt Garlic Parmesan Pretzel Thins, which are delish. So if anyone wants to get me an early Xmas present and wants to be cheap because the economy is bad, buy me these!

Monday, October 20, 2008

Heath: Not just an actor who left us too soon

Being on the hunt for free food is not an easy task, especially if you have a job and have to do work at this job. As if facebook wasn't time-consuming enough, I have to also dedicate part of my day foraging for food (kidding, kidding if my boss is reading this), in addition to "working." At any rate, today was a very challenging day for me as a hunter.

See, my friend Johnny K has a most excellent candy stash at his desk. Every day is like Halloween in his cube. So, if the higher ups don't leave food out after their meetings, I have to rely on John for my free food for the day: a Kit Kat, Reese's peanut butter cup, or in this case today a Heath bar. Not a bad deal really, but where is the challenge. You, my faithful readers, all two if you, look forward to hearing my extreme tales of valor, of exploration, of courage . . . but let's be honest a Nestle Crunch bar is, er, a little domestic if you will.

Well, I ate one anyway (well, that could have been Friday that I ate a Nestle Crunch, but I definitely ate a free Heath Bar and a York Peppermint Patty today) because it was towards the end of the day and I needed to fulfill my quotient. I left the office, and to my surprise saw a most beautiful sign: free pasta inside! Whaaaa???

See, Buitoni Pasta has set up a booth in my office building for the whole week and every day they will be offering a lunch and dinner sample. Yowzas. So I went in around 6:30 and ate a delicious pumpkin ravioli concoction. There were only three but it will do for free. I can't wait for lunch tomorrow! I'll probably wear a disguise so I can get several samples!


Sunday, October 19, 2008

8 hour open bar is not always a good thing . . .

This is going to be short and sweet since I've got to get back to watching the Red Sox game. Needless to say, this weekend was a really excellent weekend for free food. I went to a wedding in western Massachusetts. No, I didn't meet any cute boys because they were all married. Wahhh. But, I did eat several delicious hor deuvres: spring rolls, teriyaki beef on a stick, and some fancy fried oysters, among other things. Ate filet mignon for dinner, and some cake. I also drank probably 6 bottles of wine and several pints of beer, so I was hurting this morning. Luckily, there was a tasty brunch where I ate a donut, corned-beef hash, watermelon, an omelet, bacon, sausage and home fries. Yum!

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Open Bar! I hope!

It's early and no, I haven't had any free food yet but I'm going to a wedding today so potential to be a major windfall. Standby.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Pizza and quesadillas make strange bedfellows

I woke up this morning thrilled. Last night the Red Sox came back in the 7th inning to beat the Devil Rays 8-7. Because I stayed up so late watching the game, I slept in later than usual, which meant that I was running late for work, which meant that I might bump into my subway crush who takes the train at 9am. I only see him on these occasions. I made a point to dress up casual cute, but it didn't matter because my subway crush, let's call him Luke, wasn't even there. Bahhh!

So tired and dejected, I stumbled into the office with a scowl . . .

. . . which less than an hour later turned to a grin the size of Texas!

Why, you ask?

Leftover bagels from a meeting! With cream cheese! So I devoured an everything "hole of love" slathered with cream cheese. Before I knew it was lunch, and my colleague Jana came over to me with a plate of leftover Mexican food. "Liz, you want it?"

Is the Pope Catholic? Yes!

Then another office mate came up to me, a dejected look on her face.

"Liz, there is a meeting with leftover pizza, and no one's eating it and it's just sitting there. What do we do?"

Now, I'm no superhero, but I am always one for a challenge, so I walked into that meeting like I owned the place, took a pizza box, and brought it back to my friends.

"Did anyone order pizza?" I asked triumphantly.

Not to brag, but I did really really good today.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

On Sandwiches and Cookies

I woke up this morning knowing that it would be a good day for a free food-phile such as myself. See, some organization that my department does business with was giving a presentation and feeding us lunch. What would it be? I wondered as my alarm went off. Pizza? Boston Market? Something healthy (I hoped not!)? I was thrilled because this meant I would not have to pack a Lean Cuisine, which always depresses me because it makes me feel like a stereotype--here I am, a single woman pushing 30 in New York City, who is always on diet, who stocks her freezer with Smart Ones and Healthy Choices and whatever else is on sale! Next stop--animal shelter to get a cat to keep me company. Eek!!!

So I went to the meeting and was a bit disappointed at first because the free food spread was not as, er, bountiful as I had dreamed. There were a bunch of sandwiches from Hale N' Hearty, a few bags of Utz potato chips, and a smattering of cookies, including oatmeal raisin, which I sort of abhor but will eat them if necessary. I grabbed a tuna sandwich, bbq and salt and vinegar chips, and 2 chocolate chip cookies.

And just like you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover, you shouldn't judge a feast by it's layout. The lunch ended up being fantastic and filling--the sandwich was perfecto, the chips divine, and the cookies were the right side of crunchy. And the coolest part was not only did I get free food, I got free swag! I am now the owner of a free duffel bag designed to look like a boombox!

So overall, today was a really good day for free stuff!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Free food rocks!

Hi all,

Food is the best thing in the world. I love it more than anything, except maybe the Golden Girls, which at least deals with food in some respect (cheesecake). I also really love food when it is free. Oh, yum. A cupcake from Eleni's is delish at 5pm in the evening, but it is even more delish when the SVP of the company left them out after a meeting, and I get to eat 3 for free. With the economy the way it is, I'm like a camel-I don't know when I am going to have the opportunity to eat an Eleni's cupcake again. Must as well store them on my body! Viva la work force!

So this blog is going to be about food. Free food. Every day I will eat at least one free food item that was given to me, stolen by me, or offered to me. I will talk about it and why it is the best thing that happened to me today.

Let's start!

Right now it is lunch time and I am being very boring. I am eating cabbage soup with a dash of hot sauce. This was not free as I made it Sunday--it's the zero point Weight Watchers soup. I made a vat of it. I'm also eating a Lean Cuisine that I bought on sale at Key Foods (glazed chicken). Again, not free. I am a little sad over Madonna and Guy Ritchie breaking up--we all saw it coming but he seems so normal and fun. I would love to go to a pub with him and eat curry fries and drink pints. He seems the type that would do this. At any rate, because I am sad, and trying to eat healthy which is sort of lame, I need to comfort myself.

So I walk over to Johnny K's desk in my office. John has a bowl of candy that is the reason I am above my Weight Watchers goal weight and am eating cabbage soup. Boo. But, there is a Reese' Crispy Crunchy Bar which is calling my name so I take it. It is free and yes, delish.