Tuesday, June 30, 2009

I'm Melting, I'm Melting!

While wicked witches are evil, it is sort of sad that they have to melt when someone throws water on them.

Know what else is sad? Leftover ice cream cake that is put out after a meeting that is melting. There was only one sliver left and as you can imagine your girl Liz ate it. It was a ghetto score because even I could barely salvage it. We're talking 2 bites.

What a waste!

Monday, June 29, 2009

I Ate My Ass On!

There's a great new show on Oxygen called Dance Your Ass Off. It's about overweight people literally dancing their ass off. Inspiring, positive, hopeful? Check!

However, the jury is still out on what influence the show will have on ME as I almost literally ate my ass ON today. I ate a few pieces of candy from Johnny K's Batman head (big surprise there) and then sampled several of the desserts my mom brought to New York over the weekend, including her worls famous Congo Bars! Yum yum!

And now I must sleep!

Thursday, June 25, 2009


Yes, I scored some delish free chocolate gelato, but two legends died today.

I'll write more tomorrow . . . Lots to talk about as a lot of free food was eaten this past week while I was in Nashville.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Whatever it is I think I see becomes something free and edible to me!

I'm exhausted after finally watching the Real Housewives of New York City reunion on the DVR. Can you believe I'm a full month behind on all my shows? How embarrassing!

Luckily, I am not behind on my free food eating, though I have been making wiser choices. Today I only ate 3 pieces of candy, including a chocolate Tootsie pop.

69, dude!

I need to eat more salad.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Braley Cooper is super duper, and so are muffins.

Yo! Today I saw The Hangover with my friend Lori. We both agreed that Bradley Cooper is very hot, but there is something very douchebaggy about him. He's like every Sigma Nu I knew at dear old Duke. I certainly would not kick him out of bed--once we were married, of course, because I'm Catholic and my father reads my blog (or at least he says he does).

The movie was funny and afterwards Lori and I walked around the Upper East Side to grab a bite. We stopped at Lenny's to get coffee and Lori ordered a marble muffin of which I ate half. A FREE half, since my girl paid for it!

All right now I need to go to bed.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Tonight I met my friend Mike for drinks at this super cool new bar in Astoria called 24. No, Kiefer was not there, but the bartender looked and sounded like Dave Foley from Kids in the Hall and NewsRadio, though not as sarcastic!

Mike and I took turn buying rounds. I drank 2 beers and a glass of wine. Mike drank 3 beers and a glass of wine, so I ended up coming up ahead and my wine was essentially free! Yeah!

Friday, June 12, 2009

Free juice!

I'm tired, it's late, and I have to be up early to run tomorrow.

All I got for you is a free juice they were handing out at the gym. Yes, for us lonely hearts who go to the gym on a Friday night!!!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Mini chocolate chip cookies = big time taste!

My boss got a free gift basket of mini cookies. I ate about half the basket. They were a little stale but free, so can't complain!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Return of the Cupcakes!

Oh, hello!

Many of my faithful readers may have noticed a dearth of free cupcakes in my past several posts--in fact, May 13 was the most recent! Can you believe I have been denied my bloody cupcakes for so long?!?!

Well, imagine my surprise when on my way to a meeting I saw a beautiful box of cupcakes from Billy's Bakery. There were 2 and a half left. I took one to save for later, and then ate half of the half. Yum!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

I'm so fruity!

This was a first one for me in my quest for free food: today there was big breakfast meeting with leftover pastries and fruit. Guess what I stuffed in my Tupperware?

The fruit!

Wow, hell froze over.

Monday, June 8, 2009

I'm going (coco)nuts!

Today I managed to spill soy sauce, red wine, and red hots all over my kitchen. Yippee! Thank God it was only Charles Shaw cabernet or I would have been pissed that the wine was spilled on my counter and not in my mouth!

Despite this waste of condiments, liquid, and cake decorations, I had a nice Monday for free food. I ate my usual candy from Johnny K's Batman head, but I also had a free sample of some pineapple-infused coconut water that supposedly is better and more effective than Gatorade--and more natural!--which is cool and all but what was even COOLER was that the guy handing out the samples was cute.

Now I need to sleep!


Thursday, June 4, 2009

100 Grand: What I wish I earned, and what I ate today!

Holla peeps!

This will actually be quick. I ate a 100 Grand and a mini Twix and also a Storck Chocolate Riesen, which ran the most fabulous dubbed over commercial back in the '90s:

Storck Chocolate Riesen please Mrs. Lange!

Ah, those were the days!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Books and Food, my favorite things!

This will be short and sweet. Just like Gary Coleman would be if he were dipped in Fun Dip.

Shall we proceed?

So today I attended the end of the year program for the high school mentoring program in which I participate. We met in the library of the high school.

So many of you 8 readers of mine know I am a huge book worm. For the past 5 years I've read at least a book a week. And as you can imagine, as a person who likes free food, I also like free books so I spend a lot of time at my beloved New York Public Library. I truly believe libraries are our greatest civic institution . . . I call it the "Good Will Hunting Effect" in that, insert soapbox here, you can learn anything you want by going to your local library and taking out books for free. The information is accessible to all, not just Harvard grad students with douchey ponytails:

It's not your fault.

So, I go to this super old school high school library, with World Encyclopedias and books by Murakami and Ishiguro and Naipul and I'm salivating and so impressed with what these public high school students get to read, though I would recommend holding off Murakami till college because he's freaky deaky (who here has read The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle and could actually handle that, er, peeling scene?).

The books were cool, but so was the food we got to eat, in a high school banquet kind of way! I ate Cheez Puffs, rice and beans, chicken, some casserole dish, and cake! All free, all awesome.

Okay, so maybe this wasn't so short. But it was sweet, so kind of like Willis dipped in Fun Dip!

Monday, June 1, 2009

Get on all fours, please!

Today was a real twist on my whole quest for free food. Sure, I grabbed a couple mini-Snickers and mint 3 Musketeers from Johnny K's Batman head, but I also got a free training session at the gym! Yippee!

I met with the trainer at 7pm. The fitness director who set up the appointment had told me I would be meeting with Dan, whom he described as a big "brown-skinned" man. Dan turned out to be black, but I guess the fitness director did not want to appear racist? Whatevs.

I told Dan I wanted to work on my "problem areas" aka my thighs, flexibility, and assorted other body parts. We did a bunch of squats and lunges and other moves.

Then we stretched on the stretching table, which looks like a massage table, except way more comfortable and out in the open! Couple this with the fact that Dan is the only straight man at my gym (I work out in Chelsea, people, so this is not so far-fetched), and that I've been single for a long time, well, you can imagine how it felt when Dan barked "Get on all fours!" so we could stretch my shoulders.

After working out the trapezoidals or whatever technical name the body part was, Dan commanded I lay on my back while he stretched my legs to the ceiling. "You're very flexible," he remarked, which was a surprise to me as I used to get negative scores on the Seat and Reach in Mrs. Parent's 4th grade gym class.

Dan mentioned he had graduated from college just last year, and I told him I was approaching the big 3-0, and he exclaimed, "I would never guess that!" And I got all giddy, and then I realized that I only looked younger because I was wearing a Marshmallow Peeps t-shirt. Or, conversely, maybe he thought I was closer to 40.

I mentioned to Dan that the one P.E. class I took in college was Massage Therapy. "Really?" he asked as I lay prostrate on the table. He steam-rolled my back and legs with one of those white foam tube things. "Did you prefer men or women partners?"

"MEN!" I replied.

When the hour concluded, Dan asked if I wanted to set up more appointments. As you can imagine, a girl whose main goal is to score as much free food as possible probably cannot afford the $80 an hour for a personal trainer. But I lied, and told Dan to call me to maybe set something up in the near future just so I could give him my phone number! I'm a quick thinker!