Friday, January 23, 2009

Girlfriends--dump the tools and come to my Free Food Academy!

Because I am cool, I am staying in on Friday night and catching up on my shows. Tonight it's the Tool Academy which might actually be the most painful show in the world to watch. It's about a bunch of douchebags whose girlsfriends want them to change. Riiiiiight. Just dump them. But that would make too much sense. Now, I beat myself up for having a big ass, but these girls make me look like Little Miss Confident. These guys have admitted to cheating on national tv, but their girlfriends want them back. I do NOT get it.

You know, girlfriends, dump their asses and come to my apartment. I will cook you food, I won't criticize you for gaining weight, we'll go barhopping. I'll even grab some candy from Johnny K's Batman head for you. For example, if you came over tonight, you'd be able to share the M and M's and a mini-Hershey Special Dark that I grabbed before I left the office.

So now I must return to this crap show. Seriously, I might have to give it up. These tools make the chicks from Bad Girls Club look like saints.

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