Expanding your wallet while expanding your waistline!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Cowgirl looking for a cowboy!
Today I watched a Professional Bull Riding competition at Madison Square Garden with my friends Josh, Megan, Nikolai, and a bunch of other people. It was awesome and appropriately dub t (though there were plenty of black and Hispanic peeps in the crowd!) and it was not the least bit ironic, though part of me could just imagine the wonderful enclave of Williamsburg trying to pull it off. Oh God, can you imagine all the ironic boots and ironic 10-gallon hats and ironic mustaches? I gag just thinking about it.
Now, I'm a Northeast girl through and through. I use the word wicked as an adverb, I am neurotic, and I talk fast. But, I did spend four years in the South for college, and as a result I love fried pickles, guns, Republicans, and American flags. I'm Northern by birth, but Southern by soul. So naturally, I was salivating over those very manly cowboys.
Despite seeing the previews for Luke Perry's huge hit "8 Seconds," I really had no idea what to expect at a Professional Bull Riding event. And really, even afterwards, I have no idea how they determined the winner since a lot of the sexy men stayed on their bulls for 8 seconds. But, I'll tell you this, it's pretty brutal, the bulls go craaaaaazy because the cowboys pull rope around their balls, and I imagine that hurts quite a bit. So eventually the cowboy gets thrown off the bull, and he might even get mauled, but he just gets right back up and saunters over to the waiting area. Just another day of work! I bet they'd do really well on a mechanical bull. Maybe I'll take one out on a date to Johnny Utah's.
But that's the problem: I have NO idea where I can find a bull rider in New York City. Like I said, there are probably some hipsters dressed up as cowboys in Williamsburg or maybe even the Lower East Side, but I don't want a man skinnier than me and who probably doesn't even eat cows in the first place. I want an honest to goodness bull rider from Oklahoma, or Texas, or Georgia, hell I'll even take Brazil if he's patriotic, and I want him to say "yes, ma'am" and "I'll get the door for you, Liz" and "Don't you look pretty today" and he'll be shy and polite the first time we are, er, intimate (my dad reads this blog, or so he says!) but then he'll totally let his bull riding skills take over, and shoot, I have to stop writing.
So not only did the Professional Bull Riding event make me want a cowboy, I also ate some free food! Megan shared her peanuts and popcorn with me, and this nice person Kelly who I had never met before offered me some cotton candy. Yum!
Liz Simons is a New York City-based comedian who has performed all over the city at top clubs including Carolines, Gotham, and Broadway Comedy Club. She has been a featured performer in the show Mortified in New York and Boston. She is adorable, single, and likes to eat. She started this blog because she was known as the girl at her office who was always the first person to know about the leftover food from meetings. And how she loved that free food! She took that passion and now writes about her daily selection of free food.