Popcorn! Get your fresh hot popcorn!

Three years ago I got in trouble at work for burning microwave popcorn. "It smells like death" I was told. The funny thing is I honestly don't have a sense of smell, so I'm all, Whatevs! Too bad for you! You could fart in front of me and I'm all, it's just a cute noise!

Despite my cavalier attitude, I don't want to get fired over Orville Redenbacher if you know what I mean. So I avoid microwaving popcorn at work like Rupaul avoids wearing Birkenstocks. But I still love the tasty treat so I was positively THRILLED when today the facilities department at work broke out the office popcorn machine and airpopped us some salty snacks.

Woohoo!

If I were a rich (wo)man . . .

Or more accurately, if I were the child of a rich and famous rich woman (redundancy INTENDED my friend), I wonder what my career would be. A few years ago, it was all about designing handbags (I'm talking to YOU Nicky Hilton), then it was all, I'm a dj! (Paging Samantha Ronson and Alexandra Richards!). And now the career choice for the offspring of the lucky sperm club is to star in a sex tape! I wonder what men think it is like to spend a night in Montana Fishburne! Ah, I am so clever! And dirty! And really plagiaristic and unoriginal!

Unfortunately for me--but fortunately for you--I was only raised upper middle class, so I still got to work in a regular job till I find success and a book deal writing my really deep blog. Which I write so often. And at my regular job is where I have to forage for free food. Which lately has been WEAK. I ate a fireball today. It lit my mouth on fire.

I was about to make a dirty joke about Montana Fishburne's private parts and how they might be fiery, and then I realized people might think I'm a pervert. And my dad supposedly reads this blog, so I will refrain.

Bedtime!

Happy Birthday to Me!

Yo!

Today was my 10th anniversary of drinking legally, which makes me, er, 27! Yes, that's it, 27!

I was going to treat myself to lunch, but imagine my surprise when there were leftover Cosi sandwiches from an intern luncheon. I ate 2... chicken Ceasar and buffalo chicken. So so good!

Then after work my friend Adrienne bought me an awesome chocolate pastry and coffee and petit fruit from a bakery near work. Over all, an awesome day!

Shaved Ice and Cake make for a great day!

Today was a happy and sad day. Happy because I ate a piece of cake and a cup of organic shaved ice for FREE, but sad because I was saying goodbye to a beloved coworker. Although as we used to say in leadership camp, there are no goodbyes, only see you laters. And this is why I didn't have boyfriends.

And the cake was from Amy's Bread, so you know it was good!

Bedtime now!

It's Been a While

Don't think I've forgotten about you, all my loyal fans! On the contrary! It's hard to forget the three of you who read this!

At any rate . . . today I did not eat one iota of free food. I did, however, fall in a crosswalk and skin my knees, elementary school style. A woman gave me a wipee.

Hopefully tomorrow will bring more adventures!

Nobody Knows the Trouble I've Seen . . .

or the free food I have not eaten.

Ugh, I forgot to grab a free piece of candy. And there were no free samples anywhere in my building today. What is this world coming to??? Economy you better turn around SOON!

Life is full of PIZZAz!

I am FULL of the lame puns lately!

I'm also full of pizza! Yeah! See, today there was a going away party for a longtime coworker. So they ordered us a ton of pizza from Patsy's. The pieces are small and thin crust so I ate 5. And also lots of Ceasar salad. I washed it down with a free Diet Pepsi.

Now I'm tired and cranky. Bedtime!