Mini chocolate chip cookies = big time taste!

My boss got a free gift basket of mini cookies. I ate about half the basket. They were a little stale but free, so can't complain!

Return of the Cupcakes!

Oh, hello!

Many of my faithful readers may have noticed a dearth of free cupcakes in my past several posts--in fact, May 13 was the most recent! Can you believe I have been denied my bloody cupcakes for so long?!?!

Well, imagine my surprise when on my way to a meeting I saw a beautiful box of cupcakes from Billy's Bakery. There were 2 and a half left. I took one to save for later, and then ate half of the half. Yum!

I'm so fruity!

This was a first one for me in my quest for free food: today there was big breakfast meeting with leftover pastries and fruit. Guess what I stuffed in my Tupperware?

The fruit!

Wow, hell froze over.

I'm going (coco)nuts!

Today I managed to spill soy sauce, red wine, and red hots all over my kitchen. Yippee! Thank God it was only Charles Shaw cabernet or I would have been pissed that the wine was spilled on my counter and not in my mouth!

Despite this waste of condiments, liquid, and cake decorations, I had a nice Monday for free food. I ate my usual candy from Johnny K's Batman head, but I also had a free sample of some pineapple-infused coconut water that supposedly is better and more effective than Gatorade--and more natural!--which is cool and all but what was even COOLER was that the guy handing out the samples was cute.

Now I need to sleep!

Love,
Liz!

100 Grand: What I wish I earned, and what I ate today!

Holla peeps!

This will actually be quick. I ate a 100 Grand and a mini Twix and also a Storck Chocolate Riesen, which ran the most fabulous dubbed over commercial back in the '90s:

Storck Chocolate Riesen please Mrs. Lange!

Ah, those were the days!

Books and Food, my favorite things!

This will be short and sweet. Just like Gary Coleman would be if he were dipped in Fun Dip.

Shall we proceed?

So today I attended the end of the year program for the high school mentoring program in which I participate. We met in the library of the high school.

So many of you 8 readers of mine know I am a huge book worm. For the past 5 years I've read at least a book a week. And as you can imagine, as a person who likes free food, I also like free books so I spend a lot of time at my beloved New York Public Library. I truly believe libraries are our greatest civic institution . . . I call it the "Good Will Hunting Effect" in that, insert soapbox here, you can learn anything you want by going to your local library and taking out books for free. The information is accessible to all, not just Harvard grad students with douchey ponytails:



It's not your fault.

So, I go to this super old school high school library, with World Encyclopedias and books by Murakami and Ishiguro and Naipul and I'm salivating and so impressed with what these public high school students get to read, though I would recommend holding off Murakami till college because he's freaky deaky (who here has read The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle and could actually handle that, er, peeling scene?).

The books were cool, but so was the food we got to eat, in a high school banquet kind of way! I ate Cheez Puffs, rice and beans, chicken, some casserole dish, and cake! All free, all awesome.

Okay, so maybe this wasn't so short. But it was sweet, so kind of like Willis dipped in Fun Dip!

Get on all fours, please!

Today was a real twist on my whole quest for free food. Sure, I grabbed a couple mini-Snickers and mint 3 Musketeers from Johnny K's Batman head, but I also got a free training session at the gym! Yippee!

I met with the trainer at 7pm. The fitness director who set up the appointment had told me I would be meeting with Dan, whom he described as a big "brown-skinned" man. Dan turned out to be black, but I guess the fitness director did not want to appear racist? Whatevs.

I told Dan I wanted to work on my "problem areas" aka my thighs, flexibility, and assorted other body parts. We did a bunch of squats and lunges and other moves.

Then we stretched on the stretching table, which looks like a massage table, except way more comfortable and out in the open! Couple this with the fact that Dan is the only straight man at my gym (I work out in Chelsea, people, so this is not so far-fetched), and that I've been single for a long time, well, you can imagine how it felt when Dan barked "Get on all fours!" so we could stretch my shoulders.

After working out the trapezoidals or whatever technical name the body part was, Dan commanded I lay on my back while he stretched my legs to the ceiling. "You're very flexible," he remarked, which was a surprise to me as I used to get negative scores on the Seat and Reach in Mrs. Parent's 4th grade gym class.

Dan mentioned he had graduated from college just last year, and I told him I was approaching the big 3-0, and he exclaimed, "I would never guess that!" And I got all giddy, and then I realized that I only looked younger because I was wearing a Marshmallow Peeps t-shirt. Or, conversely, maybe he thought I was closer to 40.

I mentioned to Dan that the one P.E. class I took in college was Massage Therapy. "Really?" he asked as I lay prostrate on the table. He steam-rolled my back and legs with one of those white foam tube things. "Did you prefer men or women partners?"

"MEN!" I replied.

When the hour concluded, Dan asked if I wanted to set up more appointments. As you can imagine, a girl whose main goal is to score as much free food as possible probably cannot afford the $80 an hour for a personal trainer. But I lied, and told Dan to call me to maybe set something up in the near future just so I could give him my phone number! I'm a quick thinker!